Circle V

I miss Rushmore, I miss the seasons (oh, and you)

2006-12-20T19:17:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I’m RETIRED. Dunzo. This silly little blog has certainly surprised me in many ways, especially the most recent. So I’ll just say goodbye. Fare thee well. All's well that ends well, etc.

Thank you to my friends who have written for this blog, to those of you who have become dear friends because of it, and particularly, those lovely lurkers who wished me well and I hope enjoyed this quite trite form of self-expression as much as I did.

Wipe those tear though, I’ll still see you at the Happy Hours.

How do you say "Hooker" in Japanese?

2006-11-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

I got an email from an English language editor who is working on a book to be published in Japan for students of contemporary English and American culture. He asked if I would agree to have two of my posts included, it's called Journals of Thirty Americans Volume 2 (Two pages from volume 1 are pictured).

At first I thought this was a scam, but then I sent him an email asking for more info (including which posts) and did some research to see if anyone else posted about this and I found blogs from a bunch of angsty teens and this guy Jake in Illinois had also been asked.

He wants to use my recent adventure in Las Vegas and who am I deny the young minds of Japan tales of woe and caution from the City of Sin? So I said sure and what the hell, I'm one of your 30.

I figure even though I won't make a cent on this, I can tell people that CircleV is really big in Japan, especially with the kids (even though Volume 1 only sold 5,000 copies). And, more importantly, I can finally confirm the Japanese character for “hooker” and be sure my tat is legit.

If you'd like to check out Volume 1, it's available on Japanese E-Bay.

So there you have it, now let's try to keep the cultural stereotypes to minimum.

Nothing goes with turkey like a side of racism

2006-11-27T18:17:00.000-05:00

I don’t like to think about it, but the truth is some of my extended family are a little racist (similar to being a little pregnant, I guess). And yesterday, as ol' Dan aptly pointed out, the Holidays are not just a time for coming together, they are also a time to revel in our family's embarrassing shortcomings.

Dan is doing pretty well in his "race for most racist" contest with this little Thanksgiving treat from Witchita, Kansas:

(Dan's relative sees a lowered truck a few parking stalls down)

"I guess I should park up here a bit, away from those Mexicans."

Awesome. And, here is my heartwarming contribution:

(While watching Entertainment Tonight's feature on Grey's Anatomy)

My Aunt: Did you see where Meredith is marrying some black guy?

Me: Yes, isn’t he a music producer or something?

Aunt: I don’t know, it’s just really disappointing.

Double awesome.

Anyone else care to enter this race? Cause, you know, it's easier to hide the rage if you're laughing :)

Get Out the Scrapbook: Lovers Happy Hour II

2006-11-27T11:15:00.000-05:00

Our last Lovers Happy Hour was such a success, we have decided to keep the good times rolling, my friends.

Who: Roosh and me

When: Thursday, November 30 @ 8PM

Where : The one and only Chi-Cha Lounge on U Street

While Chi-Cha means many things to many people, I have four key memories:

1. I met a “multi-millionaire military government contractor” there who offered to fly me (and my friends) to California that night (they had a jet leaving). Needless to say, I didn’t go, but a google search the next day did prove that he did in fact own a weapons development company in California.

2. For no good reason, my friend made up a fairly elaborate story that he was an Indy Car driver in Italy, which included some fairly technical B.S. about drinking and his championships. The girl bought it. Girls are stupid.

3. I met the prettiest straight man I have ever seen. Sure, it may have been the several drinks, but the girls I was with were totally stunned when I asked our waiter if he was gay, and he said no. My first assumption was that he was saying so for tips, but two other servers confirmed that this little Adonis was in fact, on my team. Crazy.

4. I celebrated the life of Ol'Dirty Bastard there when he left this mortal coil on November 13th. I berated the DJ until he played multiple Wu-Tang and ODB songs, including, the beloved, “Got Your Money.”

I think we can do better than this--see you there!

A Tale of Two Hookers, continued

2006-11-21T12:11:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the kind comments and emails on yesterday's post , I’ll finish my Vegas story today.

The Las Vegas police said that it's a common thing to have prostitutes attack women for money and cell phones, but that didn't make us feel any better. The Venetian gave us the bum rush insisting that if we didn't need medical attention than we had to leave their property. I begged them to escort me inside so I could ID those white crack whores who did this, but the guard said no, we had to leave. They were ever so kind enough to escort us off the property to the taxi stand.

My friend and I were crying a lot, part of it was the alcohol, part of it was being so surprised at the unprovoked attack, and part of it was feeling like these guards didn't believe us or care. And, we were in some pain. We sobbed to the cab driver, we sobbed to the hotel desk at the Rio, and we sobbed to lady at the gift shop. It was all fairly pathetic, but I remember just wanting someone to listen and tell us what we should do. Our friends in our room did just that and if they hadn't been there it would have been even more difficult. We filed a report with the police and the Venetian.

The next morning I was just really shocked. My friend who was attacked and I had breakfast together and tried to sort it out, tried to find a reason why we might have caused this to happen. We couldn't think of any. Shit happens, I guess.

And, after a morning breakdown on Friday, I decided to “suck it up” and find some moments of fun. I played a tournament and enjoyed it even though I was running on about 30 hours without sleep. My friend who had been attacked came by my table to say goodbye. I could tell just by looking at her that she felt as horrible as I did. “I’m a little upset,” she whispered. I just nodded, “Me, too.” She had to leave that morning to go back to LA, I have a feeling we both went through the same emotional ebb and flow despite being hours apart.

I didn’t get to wear any of my fun, slutty clothes because of all the bruises on my arms. I had my friend Virgile Kent's sunglasses with me (aviators) and they cover the two red and purple bruises under my eyes perfectly. In Las Vegas, it's pretty acceptable to wear sunglasses all the time. People stared a little at night, but it wasn't any big deal. It worked fine at the poker tables as well, even though I always think non pros with sunglasses on are a little lame.

I went to an amazing Prince concert, saw some cool card rooms and had a good dinner with friends. I met some new friends up at the Sahara and had a nice time playing in a tournament there. Many enjoyable moments.

The whole thing still seems unreal and there are waves of anger and sadness that I try to just fake through. I didn't want anyone to hug me or talk to me about it. The human ability to burry emotions is pretty amazing.

I love my grandma's comment to me after I told her about the incident: "And you didn't fight back, punch ‘er or somethin’?" I had no idea my grandma was such a gangsta. And, no, I just wanted it to be over and didn't want those guys who were watching to get involved, too. As I said, it could have been much, much worse.

A Tale of Two Hookers

2006-11-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

Well, Las Vegas wasn’t what I expected, but who expects to be there less than six hours and have the shit beat out of you? Not me, my friends, not me.

But that’s exactly what happened. On Thursday night, after a great time at the little VIP room in Tao, my friend and I got jumped by hookers (arguably) who stole what little cash we had and our cell phones. I’ve never been punched in the face before, and I’d say the experience was certainly a bit less physically painful than I expected, particularly since I had several drinks. I could have stood to not get kicked in the head as much, and the hair pulling is also really annoying, but all and all there was nothing broken and nothing warranting a hospital visit. My friend had about the same injuries as me, but she was also bitten, which is scary. She’ll get it checked out, but it looked like that bitch didn’t break the skin.

So while I am sporting two black eyes and a swollen jaw, I am physically fine and certainly feel lucky that nothing worse happened.

But emotionally, it is pretty awful. I haven’t cried that much in a long, long while. I haven’t ever really felt like a victim before, and I can’t imagine what people who have more serious injuries or trauma must go through.

Bad things happen to people all the time. Terrible things that seriously change them for the rest of their lives. This probably won’t take but a couple months to get over, and I’m thankful for that. It will become a funny story to tell (jumped by hookers in Vegas while their pimps watched) and while the bruises look bad, just a couple tablets of Advil have made this almost totally painless.

But the world does look and feel a little different. I’m not sure how long it will take for the emotions to fade, but what happened in Vegas certainly did not stay in Vegas. I thought about not really posting or talking about all this, but I feel like that would be dishonest because it did happen for whatever reason, and maybe writing about it will help.

I'm home now and certainly don't need you to worry or feel bad for me because I am very lucky that it wasn't worse. Oh, and if I had it before, email me your number cause a hooker has my cell phone.

Gone Fishin’

2006-11-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

I’m off to Las Vegas today and couldn’t be more excited. Early trip reports say the suite at the Rio is awesome with a gorgeous view of the strip and great restaurant reservations are already made. You can also buy Jack Daniels in our hotel at normal price 24 hours a day. And, you can drink that Jack on the streets.

I’ve packed my sluttiest duds and am bringing my camera and download-y thing so hopefully I will be able to post some really obnoxious pictures.

I have a couple goals ranked accordingly from most to least likely:

1. Get asked what my “rate” is at least once

2. Get a sunburn

3. Eat at a 99 cent buffet

4. Roll the craps dice and win

5. Have my picture taken by the wall of fame at Binion’s

6. Have my picture taken with an Elvis impersonator, Playboy bunny, one famous poker player, with one of those Roman guards at Caesar’s

7. To hit a blackjack

8. Not to play any poker after having more than 2 two drinks

9. To cash in at least one tournament

10 To hang out with Prince after we see his show or possibly in the elevator since we’re staying at his hotel

11. To make enough at a tournament that I can just pick up the check at Piero's and Tao

12. Hang out (again) with Chris Ferguson or Sammy Farha

13. Play in The Big Game

Wish me luck, off I go!

My video ho opportunity slips by

2006-11-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

Today was particularly crazy with press conferences and whatnot. The good news is it’s over, and I’m going to spend my evening packing for Vegas and polishing off the remaining packet of Easy Mac and bottle of champagne (the only two things left in my apartment, which might “go bad” while I’m gone for the next week).

So while Vegas will be what the kids call pimp shit, I am also looking forward to my week after in the Sooner State with my family and friends. In addition to the glories of “working from home,” which generally means pinot noir during the day, I will only be "working" on projects that can be done while watching TV. Sweet.

I’m looking forward to getting away and doing some writing (I’ve got several things piled up) and there is something so refreshing about being back home, particularly, the drink prices ($1.00 for Boulevard Wheat drafts!!!).

One sad point, however, is that I will miss being in a real country music video by one day. On the Main Street of my hometown, country sing Keith Anderson will be shooting his "Podunk" Video and giving a free concert.

Sigh, I always wanted to be a video ho, even if it's on CMT.

"You don't have to be dirty to be sexy"

2006-11-13T13:57:00.000-05:00

As the Las Vegas planning continues, I've got something else to look forward to in addition to the hours of poker and being a boozehound: Prince.

That's right, it was the perfect storm. Prince's new club 3121 is in my hotel. My friend who I first saw Prince with when he was in DC also happens to be in Vegas with me. My other friend who loves Prince but has never seen him is also going to be in Vegas with us. So the three of us are busting out our purple finery and seeing the show on Friday night.

An article on his new show said it's just you, Prince and 700 others rockin it club style to some old and new goodies.

From the article: "You don't have to be dirty to be sexy," Prince advised the Sin City audience, before launching into a sweet love song. "Let me show you."

This time next week

2006-11-10T10:39:00.000-05:00

I will be in Las Vegas and someone else you know will be there, too. I've never been to the City of Sin, but I have a feeling we're going to get along great.

Did any bloggers get with that CNN reporter last night?

2006-11-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

Maybe it was just the tears on the tender cheeks of Rick Santorum's homeschooled children, but last night, as I slogged through my second bottle of wine with three whiskied up dudes, it was nice to be optimistic about the future. I’m not saying the democrats aren’t going to fuck it up, but at least we get to make our own mistakes.

Of course my election watching party goers groaned when I suggested we actually watch the blogger segment on CNN (Hello, we have friends to spot who are walking back and forth from the bathroom in front of the camera at CQ on CSPAN’s broadcast!!!). But, these blog naysayers suddenly changed their tune once they locked their blurred vision on CNN’s Abbi Tatton. Damn, that woman is a fox, so to speak.

She was interviewing bloggers at Tryst (check that foxy picture out) where the election "party" was being held, and she was like a beacon of beauty in a sea of, well, bloggers…POLITICAL BLOGGERS (eeeeewww). Liz Gorman took some more great (read: hilarious) photos at the event (i would have uploaded a couple but blogger is being a bitch).

And, you know that my first hope was that one of those suave, charming bloggers bedded Abbi, but um, well, talking to girls is not exactly a strong suit in those circles.

Of course if someone was to bed Abbi Tatton, my money was on my former poker playin buddy and favorite crazy conservative blogger Mike Krempasky who was interviewed by the lovely Abbi. If drunken memory serves, Mike was rocking the suit coat and jeans during their one-on-one stand up interview (schwing), but he started going on about various republican topics, you know, loser talk. Worse than that is the fact that Abbi works at CNN…the Clinton News Network. You’re not getting her into the sack that way, my friend. Poorly played Mike, what a total misuse of valuable face time. Are your geeky readers from the suburbs of Virginia going to keep you warm like a snuggle-fest with Abbi the morning after? I don’t think so.

Okay, creepy blogger-on-blogger reporter fantasies aside, my drunken friends are not the only ones who love her. Check out this site appropriately titled I luv Abbi Tatton. This post explains a little more about what Abbi means to them (and all of us).

So fess up! Did any bloggers get with Abbi last night (or at least buy her another martini)? Truth!

If only I had brought my broomstick to Chief Ike's

2006-11-06T10:45:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I am particularly drunk, I think it’s funny to make up little lies. It's something I used to do a lot more a couple years ago when I was "out" more than I was "in."

One of my favorites was when some drunk guy would hit on me I’d make up a language. It was usually a mix of bad French and Indian town names. My friends (who were equally intoxicated) would not miss a beat and tell this dude that I was from another country. We’d then spend 20 minutes with him asking me questions, my responding and finally he’d get annoyed (and rightly fucking so) and walk away.

I didn’t say it was clever or cool, I just sometimes make shit up when I'm drunk.

So on Saturday night I went to Chief Ike's for a little after dinner beverage, and I happened to be wearing a cheap amulet necklace. I bought it last year while I was reading The Historian because I thought I needed to be going through a Goth phase while reading a great Dracula book.

So at Chief Ike's, I stumbled upstairs and there was a pack of four dudes standing by the bar, the conversation goes like this:

Dude: Hey, hey.
V: Hey.
Dude: What are you doing up here?
V: Looking around. (true)
Dude: You know anyone up here? (Note: It’s just the upstairs of Chief Ike's not some VIP room)
V: No, I don’t (true).
Dude: Cool. So you here with friends?
V: Yeah, they’re downstairs. I just got done with a dinner party (true).
Dude: Oh cool, we’ve been drinking all day.
V: Oh, okay, well, I’m going to find my friends (true).
Dude: Hey, there is something weird about you.
V: Oh yeah?
Dude: Yeah, I mean what’s up with that necklace?
V: I can’t really tell you. (lie)
Dude (leans in): Why?
V: Well, I swore I wouldn’t (lie).
Dude: I think I already know.
V: Really?
Dude: Yeah, but you have to tell me first.
V: I’m a witch.
Dude: I KNEW IT!
V: Yep, a Wiccan really, but I like to go by witch.
Dude (to his buddies): Hey, she’s a witch.
Buddy: Really?
Dude: Yeah, look at her necklace.
Buddy: I’m a jeweler, can I take a look?
V: Sure, it was given to me by the leader of our coven (lie).
Buddy (looks at it): Yeah, it looks really old.
V: Well, like I said, I got to meet my friends downstairs.
Dude: Wait, can you cast spells?
V: Sure (lie).
Dude (pointing to his buddy): Well, he’s been constipated for two weeks, what can you do for that?

Maybe it was the sad look on his constipated friend's face, maybe it was the mix of red wine and vodka, but I just couldn't do it, I lost it and start laughing.

V: Um, take some Metamucil. Look dude, I’m just fuckin with you, I got this necklace for 20 bucks at Express in the mall. Have a good night.

I talked to my friend Tiff about it the next day, and we were a little disappointed in my lack of commitment to the bit. How sweet would that have been if we all held hands around the friend and chanted “bowel movement, bowel movement?”

NaNo Day two: Rebel Yell (squared)

2006-11-03T11:29:00.000-05:00

I wrote about a thousand more words last night. And, while I'm still a little under where I need to be, I am cautiously optimistic that this weekend will get me ahead.

Anyway, the short timetable for this project (and the fact that I started on it two days before it kicked off) means I have little time for research.

However, it occurred to me last night that since I seem to be drinking a lot of whiskey while writing, I should make it the drink of choice for my main characters. Of course, I only recently started drinking whiskey so I don’t know that much about it. My favorite kind is Rebel Yell because of its mellow taste and reasonable price (get a handle for only $21.00).

So I did a little research on this delicious drink and thought I’d pass along some of the highlights for those of you interested in whiskey.

Whiskey came natural for families that moved west of the Appalachian Mountains. There were fresh streams and surplus crops of corn, rye, barley, and wheat. The mashing was soon to follow and by the mid 1800s whiskey distilleries were popping up all over Tennessee and Kentucky. Whiskey was sold up east and in Ohio and other regions, it was also used as tender to barter with the Native Americans (see, I just can't help it).

Also per Rebel Yell’s Web site: “In addition to selecting the choicest ingredients, using pure limestone-filtered water and patiently aging our whiskey in new charred white oak barrels, Rebel Yell is one of only a few wheated bourbons on the market today. Being a wheated bourbon means that Rebel Yell uses wheat, rather than rye in the mashbill. Wheat makes for a much softer, smoother spirit than rye, and when you work it into the mashbill of a bourbon, it produces a notably softer, smoother whiskey. In fact, Rebel Yell has been made according to the same time-honored recipe since 1849.” But there is even more to learn.

The site has a section that goes into the history of the “rebel yell” in the south as well as a another page that walks users through how Rebell Yell is made and various whiskey terms.

You can even order a personalized bottle for that special someone this holiday season.

See, writing a novel can also mean learning about new things! Of course, it also means you'll need another handle to get Billy Idol out of your head. The lyrics are below in case you need to sing it through one time. Don't even try to tell me you aren't wishing you could fist pump and sneer in your cubicle.

Last night a little dancer came dancin' to my door
Last night a little angel Came pumpin cross my floor
She said "Come on baby I got a licence for love
And if it expires pray help from above"

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

She don't like slavery, she won't sit and beg
But when I'm tired and lonely she sees me to bed
What set you free and brought you to be me babe
What set you free I need you hear by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"

He lives in his own heaven
Collects it to go from the seven eleven
Well he's out all night to collect a fare
Just so long, just so long it don't mess up his hair.

I walked the ward with you, babe
A thousand miles with you
I dried your tears of pain, babe
A million times for you

I'd sell my soul for you babe
For money to burn with you
I'd give you all, and have none, babe
Just, just, justa, justa to have you here by me
Because

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more, more.

Oh yeah little baby
she want more
More, more, more, more.

NaNo Day 1: Whiskey and Pixies are a recipe for success

2006-11-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

So my NaNo adventure has begun with 2,026 words (47,974 to go). I’ve started my novel. I don’t think I’ve actually started at the beginning, but whatever, it’s going.

Last night at Dragonfly, I was fortunate enough to be in the company of some great girls and their significant others who indulged me in a little run down of what I was thinking of writing. It may have been all the martinis and sake, but they seemed to think it was an interesting premise.

My question of the day: As a novel reader, how do you feel about narration vs. dialog? Of course any novel will have lots of both, but I have always found good dialog so much more enjoyable. In fact, I hate seeing page after page of solid text, and I always want to skip ahead to see what the characters are actually saying to each other. Is that weird?

Also, I’m no Truman Capote and while a great description is helpful in setting the scene, I feel it can grow indulgent and often has more to do with an author who thinks his/her writing is spectacular.

So my first novel may have a little more dialog than is typical, and I really need to work to make sure my descriptions are as necessary as they are creative and interesting.

November 1st (Day One):
Word Count: 2,026
Music: Pixies (When is my mind, in particular)
Drink: Whiskey and Lemonade
Inspiration: Truman Capote--"THE village of Holcomb stands on the high wheat plains of western Kansas, a lonesome area that other Kansans call "out there." Some seventy miles east of the Colorado border, the countryside, with its hard blue skies and desert-clear air, has an atmosphere that is rather more Far West than Middle West. The local accent is barbed with a prairie twang, a ranch-hand nasalness, and the men, many of them, wear narrow frontier trousers, Stetsons, and high-heeled boots with pointed toes. The land is flat, and the views are awesomely extensive; horses, herds of cattle, a white cluster of grain elevators rising as gracefully as Greek temples are visible long before a traveler reaches them."

--Opening paragraph of In Cold Blood

I’m writing a novel (this month)

2006-11-01T10:05:00.000-05:00

I stumbled onto a novel writing contest through a series of clicks that started with this site and led to this site and concluded with a national novel writing "contest' that takes place November 1-30. In order to “win” you have to write a 50,000 word novel in that one month period.

This contest has been held since 1999, and last year there were 59,000 participants and 9769 winners (or people who were verified as finishing their novel). Here is an article from the Washington Post did about the contest in 2004.

Sure, I have a lot going on, but this contest came at a time when I was just itching to do something like this. And, when internet fate intervened, I had to jump at this opportunity and challenge. Not sure if I will make it (must average 7 pages a day), but I’ve got an idea and know it’s worth a shot.

The next month will probably be a lot of update posts, so if that bores you then I’m sorry. However, if you’re interested in the aches and pains of a very novice novel writer, then tune in. Or, join in. I know one friend and blogger has agreed to take the plunge and happened to noticed another Dupont blogger on the Nano Web site's DC forum.

Anyone else with me? You can still sign-up…

Wedding Announcement

2006-10-31T12:17:00.000-05:00

So I had a great time in Yukon seeing friends and eating at sweet, sweet Waffle House (chilli, cheese and mushroom hashbrowns in the wee hours of the morning, nothing finer).

Dan has a good post about the adventures as well as links to other photos if you are so inclined (and no, I did not wear my brown dress--shocking, I know).

I was estimating that aside from being in six weddings, I've probably just attended about 15. I've been to some amazing ones and some real stinkers, and while the one this past weekend was lovely, I still cannot get my mind around having one.

I can totally get the ring (bling, bling) reception (booze, best friends, family and dancing all night) and I get the honeymoon (bumping uglies, beach, etc), but the actual ceremony really seems weird to me.

I can't imagine standing in front of all my friends and family and listening to some preacher or priest give me his take on our soul mate, soul's other half, true love, god's love, god's plan, plan together, christian faith, woman serve man, man be nice to woman, all eternity, etc. as I stare into that person's eyes and say vows. Then, listening to someone sing about how love lifts us up or whatever puppies, kitties and he completes me. Oh, and the unity candle, seriously? Me and this guy are going to light a candle together because it's a symbol of our love and life? A $20 candle just stitting on the alter or whatever?!!

The whole thing still just creeps me out. The entire time I'd just want to turn to my friends and make a joke or start laughing at seeing my future husband listen to some crap song he probably would make fun of otherwise as we get through a really awkward 3 minutes with everyone thinking about how white is not my color or fat my arms have gotten since high school. Gross out.

Maybe I'm immature, I don't know, but this weekend really confirmed it, I'm just not sure I'll ever be ready for a wedding.

An Okie Returns Home: A Tribute

2006-10-26T12:30:00.000-05:00

Wedding season continues (October is the new May) as I am off tomorrow morning to my motherland of Oklahoma to the town of Yukon, home of Garth Brooks (or so the water tower says). I am just an observer at this wedding, however, my date will be a groomsman as the groom is one of his best friends from high school.

While people make fun of Oklahoma a lot, I love my state. There are quite a few “You know yer an okie when” lists, so I threw this one together and only chose those that I agreed with, of course, you people from other flyover states may find some true for you as well. I've also include a picture of one of my favorite okies, my little brother.

-You can pronounce correctly: Hobart, Battiest, Miami, Tahlequah, Chickasha, Alex, Poteau, Oologah, Dougherty, Empire and Talihina.
I can.

-You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feedlot apart.
Absolutely.

-It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
It’s funny that I actually communte less now that I’m in DC because here my apartment and work and local shopping are all within a ten minute walk. Growing up, school was on one side of town and the Wal-Marts was clear on the other.

-You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn, when they are still on the stalk.
Sure, my grandpa was a farmer. And, let me tell you, there are few things quite as fun as hide and seek in the corn stalks. Of course if you break them, you'll probably get a whippin.

-Football schedules are checked before wedding dates are set.
This was true for several of my best friends from high school, and not just for their guests benefit as several went to OU and OSU and were BIG fans.

-You know cow pies are not made of beef and calf fries have nothing to do with a potato
Sure, and I won’t eat either.

-When little smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
One of my dearest friends served these at her wedding reception at the Miami Country Club

-You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
My dad is. I remember when we were little my dad got pulled over for something silly and he got out of the car and acted like he was really drunk and then went for the cop’s gun. Needless to say, he knows most the cops in town and we got off without a ticket.

-There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for the tornado.
What exciting memories I have from when I was young and the sirens would go off and my whole neighborhood would pull up lawn chairs in our neighbor’s driveway (he had the tornado shelter) and we’d just visit and look up and wait for the wind to calm and the sky to change color (two good signs that a tornado was on its way).

- It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.
I’m sure most of you have had it with white gravy…I understand my grandma Bessie makes the best in the world. I would also note here that my grandma regularly cooks squirrel, including squirrel gravy (I don't eat that either).

- You have used the phrase "fixin' to" during the last 12 months.
Okay, I don’t really use “fixin” and didn’t growing up (I worked hard to lose my accent when I was young), but it’s certainly a common word around my house. “Yeeaah, we’re fixin go into town and git something from Wal-Mart, ya need anythin?”

- You can remember the last 12 times a state legislator seriously introduced a bill involving castration, and he didn't mean farm animals.
Oklahoma politics are pretty effed up. Between lesbians in the bathroom to kids being trained to use books as shields from bullets, my hard core republican mother is thinking about voting democrat more and more (though there are many, many idiot democrats in the state legislature).

- "Howdy" seems to be a normal way of greeting another adult, with no irony intended.
Of course. And, you smile at everyone you pass on the street. It's rude if you don't. In fact, I'd say just walking around with a smile / happy look is advisable.

- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
Yes, they have no idea. Hell, I didn’t even grow up in the flat part of the state where a below zero temperature and a wind coming at you from hundreds of miles flatland can feel pretty nasty.

- It bothers you not one iota to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash. Ah, Will Rogers World Airport, my travel destination tomorrow, in fact. It should also be noted that Amelia Earhart has a street named after her there as well.

- A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
I know this is meant to be funny, but I’ve been in several stare downs to be courteous to other drivers.

- You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
My beloved hometown, I sure as hell do.

One great idea (stolen)

2006-10-25T11:15:00.000-05:00

I think it’s a pretty common fantasy that you have one great idea for a book, movie or TV show and suddenly, the whole world is interested and you get rich.

I remember when I was in the 5th grade, I wrote a hundred page story about my town a la Jo March in Little Women. I remember thinking that if I could just get that to some book publisher that the whole world would be interested in this part true / part pretend world that I captured. Of course, I came across it when I was about sixteen or so and was so horrified at what sheer crap it was that I threw it away.

But let’s assume that it was really, really good and I send it into some big shot publisher and then years later BOOM: I see my story about Shithole, Oklahoma on the best seller list.

Quite a downer, just ask this guy who alleges that FOX stole his life story (or at least the most exciting part of his life) after he sent them a manuscript in 2001.

Breaking your brother out of the big house is a pretty good story. And, while much of a TV series depends on more than the idea and a few plot points, having those things stolen must be terrible ( my guess is he really shot his wad with that idea).

You may have read a couple bloggers (Seth, Pagan Marbury, etc) even publishing excerpts from their own books, and while that's nice for all of us to enjoy, it also means that they need to be careful because you never know who is reading.

For the Ladies: Five Reasons To Watch the World Series Tonight

2006-10-24T12:05:00.000-05:00

I’m watching the World Series again this year. I've offered some advice in the past for ladies trying to enjoy baseball, and if you find yourself roped into game three tonight or beyond, there is a lot going on to help the non-fan stay interested.

1. The Tigers are a Cinderella story. This team had one of the worst records and biggest losing streaks in the history of the sport. Some sports commentators were even calling for the Tigers to be retracted (or kicked out) of baseball. I think maybe they would have just been relocated, but still, no baseball in Detroit. Of course, some might say that the Cardinals, with their "meh" record, got lucky and had more of a fairy godmother than the unlikely Tigers

2. Jim Leyland is awesome. He is the coach of the Tigers (old dude touching his nose on left) and he always says what he means, unlike other coaches who act like everything is going as planned. Listen to his interviews, he’s no nonsense in that cute old man cranky kind of way. I wish he was my grandpa.

3. There is a controversy. My new favorite pitcher Kenny Rogers (yes, that’s his real name) had a “substance” on his hand. And, the sports world is all aflutter. I’d bet the farm that it was pine tar (that a sticky brown substance that they use on bats to make players grip better). Because there is NO way a pitcher would not be aware of a quarter of his hand being covered in something. I mean spit or sweat can have a huge impact on a pitch (which is why they aren’t supposed to use it) and you’re telling me he just didn’t know something was there? P.S. It was freezing ass cold at Tiger's Comerica Park (no grip on the ball) and he hadn't batted, which maybe is where is came from (because pitchers don’t in the American League). Anyway, the coach of the Cardinals handled it pretty classily in my opinion, but there will always be a little question. The NY Times also did a good piece about “mischief on the mound” if you’re interested in who else has tried to pull a fast one.

4. Every out has a strategy. Something that’s really helped me appreciate baseball more is to think of each inning as a series of 6 outs (for 54 in total). How to get each out is a strategy based on many, many factors, including your pitcher, the opposition’s line-up / who is batting next and what kind of pitch will most likely result in getting the out. Because a strike isn’t a type of pitch (like a curve ball or knuckle ball or fast ball), it’s the result of the pitcher out maneuvering the batter and getting him to swing at something, which results in a strike or out. It took me a while to put that together. So it’s interesting to see what kind of pitch the batter thinks is going to be thrown, what it actually looks like when it’s screaming his way and how that batter reacts.

5. Tonight will be a great game. The series is tied so tonight will be an exciting game. It's in St. Louis (they are getting a World Series for the first year their new park is open!). The Cardinals have an exciting young pitcher (call him Carp like the boys do) and the "Soup" pitching the next night, both are great to watch. However, I learned that the Tigers also have a real lefty badass on the mound, too, Robertson, who just this season took a line drive in the ribs, but stayed in the game to throw four more shutout innings. Two great pitchers battling it out after out...should make for a great game.

I hope this help and who knows, maybe if you're nice he'll flip back to Veronika Mars or Nip/Tuck during commercials :)

Late to the party OR "Hips like Cinderella"

2006-10-20T23:14:00.000-05:00

There are some things I just missed out on growing up. The Pixies are one. I didn’t buy music until I was 22. I’m not kidding. Aside from Beck and Bob Dylan, I never bought tapes/CDs. I think it’s because when I was nine I bought the tape of Vanilla Ice’s To the Extreme and had to listen to my dad read lyrics out loud to me and explain why they were sinful. I particualry remember some lyric about a bitch in a bikini he wanted to bang...hearing your father read that shit scars. I had to return the tape to Wal-Mart. It took me a while to emotionally recover.

Other music I remember other than your standard radio fare, would be Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em was released (My parents thought those lyrics were okay) and the Dangerous Minds soundtrack, which meant I rocked a lot of Gangstas Paradise. All the way through high school and college, basically, I didn't buy C.D.s and I really relied on my friends to make me copies of what they had (Anything from Tori Amos to the Smashing Pumpkins to Jewel). In fact, I still have some of them. My Bob Dylan tape is still in my drawer even though I haven’t seen a tape player in five years.

So, I am envious of people who have a lot of musical knowledge as there are just a lot of artists that I’m just not familiar with that I should be. One of these bands would be the Pixies. And, as a recent conversation illuminated for me, the Pixies basically influenced any artist I’ve ever listened to since they started rocking mainstream in 1987.

So I cheated. I’m a cheater. I’m the person who buys greatest hits C.D.s. Yeah, judge me, I know. But look, when one day I realized that just being able to sing along to "Under Pressure" was not sufficient enough for my David Bowie knowledge, the two-disc set of his greatest hits really came in handy. Same with The Cure. Because let’s be honest, I just need a taste. I want a sense of what’s good and can go from there.

So I bought the Pixies greatest hits on Saturday. And, I’d recommend that and a glass of whiskey for anything that ails you. The obvious songs I’ve heard of are still as great as I remember(Where is My Mind, Monkey Gone to Heaven, Here Comes Your Man, Gouge Away) but there are many, many others that are just as good, if not better (Hey, Tame, Broken Face, Velouria). Pixie fans are probably totally grossed out that I am not preaching about the obscure B sides, but I'm sorry, I'm just going in for my first dip.

Aside from being really, really impressed, I love the lead singer Black Francis (is that a pimp shit name or what), his voice is so versatile and personality so, like, complicated that it’s impossible not to love at first listen. And, I cannot get over Kim Deal. She fucking rocks me with her bass and haunting voice. And, sure part of it is that "Where is My Mind" is one of my favorite songs ever, period, but it's also that every fucking band since 1987 seems to have borrowed / copied the shit out of them. I hear so many Grunge / Radiohead- esque rifts and vocal stylings that giving this a listen is like digging up a graveyard of primate ancestors from whence we came. The Pixies are like carbon dating for any grunge / indie-rock / punk / emo worth listening to from the past 30 years.

And sure, it’s a little silly. Because I’m twenty-five and currently going through a “Pixies phase,” but just because you’re late to party doesn’t mean you can't enjoy.

You Give Me Fever

2006-10-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it may have gotten a little crazy last night (was I salsa dancing?!) and a big thanks goes to my co-hosts DC Bach and Sally and all you drunks who came out last night.

Check out DC Bachelor's photo post to see who else was there. I am actually the least drunk in the second one pictured here.

A personal highlight for me last night was someone actually asking me, "Why am I not on your blog roll?" Oh snap, that's good stuff.

Get off the wood and use it OR The “Someday Clause”

2006-10-19T09:56:00.000-05:00

The first job I remember ever wanting was to be a ballerina. The second was a greeter at Wal-Mart. Then I wanted to be an actress, then a writer, then a journalist, then…PR?

I had a really great happy hour yesterday with a girl who I’ve been meaning to become friends with for a while. We mostly talked about our jobs, a couple “dreams” and she mentioned that she’d like to own a clothing boutique “someday.”

Ah, someday, I am quite familiar with that day. The truth is it’s fucking hard to chase your dreams. Really fucking hard. Of course if your dream is to be a doctor or lawyer, society looks much friendlier on that dream. Whereas, someone who wants to be an actor or maybe ice cream parlor owner, well, it gets more complicated. That’s why people like me resort to the “someday clause” where we talk about how our jobs are fine and “someday” we’d like to do X. This allays our cognitive dissonance just long enough to coast through another year. Large quantities of whiskey on the regular also helps, or so I’m told.

How would our lives be different if we were actually doing what we wanted? I’ve written several posts on the mid-mid life crisis, and my tune hasn’t changed much. So, to quote Dolly Parton from the silver screen classic Straight Talk, it’s time to “get down off the cross, honey, somebody needs the wood!”

I don’t know why I woke up today sounding like one of those “Excellence” or “Team Work” posters, but here it is: I think what Dolly is saying is that you can’t live your life for someday. That the more we trick ourselves into believing it's okay that we are spending the only thing we really have (time) with the wrong job, relationship, friend, place, etc, we are lying to ourselves with excuses. So listen to Dolly, it’s time to get off the wood and use it...he he…wood.

Okay, for listening to that, I now give you a funny happy hour moment and encourage you to come tonight and hear more of my existential rants plus mojitos:

As I was sipping my wine at Science Club last night, this guy walked up next to me and started talking to the bartender about a mutual guy they know.

Guy: I haven’t seen him in a while, what he up to these days?

Bartender: Oh, he’s about to leave to go study in Egypt.

Guy: Oh, that’s cool. Is he going to get an MBA there?

Bartender: (with a mix of confusion and pity) Um, no, he’s studying Middle Eastern history, I think.

Guy: Awesome.

A pictorial equation

2006-10-18T13:33:00.000-05:00

This

Equals=

Lovers Happy Hour

Cafe Citron basement

Thursday @8:00

Hosted by

DC Bach & Sally and Circle V

Sex-Possible Friendships

2006-10-17T12:28:00.000-05:00

I may not act like it (bitches), but the truth is I love you guys. I think about you every time I start a post and how I can best entertain you and not waste your time. And, it’s not just because I’m quite sure you are the coolest of the cool (cause I mean, hello) it’s also because you have great comments and feedback, and I appreciate that.

BLEH, okay, shake that nice shit off with a drink and let’s get to it.

So, several of you had some really interesting things to say in this post about my past opposite sex friendships where the guys wanted more (and I did too in some cases), and I thought I would address one of those comments. "Ash" is a self-described “Long time reader, first time poster” who said “your post has definitely touched something that some of my friends and I discuss a lot.”

So here is the first issue: I think the post actually speaks to the very nature of men and women and society. I understand the position you were in growing up - I did the same thing to girls I REALLY liked and not just hooked up with. I knew it could wreck everything if we hooked up and it didn’t work out (which of course it wouldn't). But can guys and girls really be friends for life?

So, that’s a tough one. Personally, I found it pretty complicated to have straight male friends when I was not in a relationship—and even a couple when I was (there are a few exceptions though). It appears to me that it really comes down to how serious the history with the friend and the personalities. In friendship, there is always something about that person that attracted you to being their friend. So, after a few drinks and couple lonely weeks or whatever, it’s natural for two people to want to connect physically as well as emotionally. I think in these situations, what usually happens is one wants to be more than friends, the other doesn’t, and one or the other will give in. This can lead to great friendship or loss of friendship / possibly great relationship. After this rejection or acceptance, what comes next really depends on the strength of the friendship.

I grew up in a small town, and went to kindergarten with the same people I graduated with for the most part. From that time I have my core group of friends that includes one girl who seems like you ie: one of the guys, always around etc., yet none of us dated her. (She was attractive also, so it isn't like someone would not be into her.) She and I have both moved away but we all get together as group a few times a year. She even asked me to read at her wedding and it was really great, but somehow awkward. Is it because we are basically programmed to reproduce with the opposite sex that it becomes socially awkward to have CLOSE opposite sex friends for life?

This is tricky, too. I think in these cases it's more that you are both comfortable with the "just friends" label. I've had the funny "you're really cute but I think being friends makes the most sense" talk with guys who I think felt the same way. And, if he didn't then I'd figure it out eventually and then we'd have to be honest about it. So any awkwardness was more because he wasn't being honest, as opposed to the actual close opposite sex friendship.

Not that I am particularly affected by what is socially accepted, but it seems that sometimes those friends fall to the wayside once we are older/married etc. Not because we like them any less, but because that emotional/friend closeness is societally "supposed" to occur with a spouse/significant other. Is it a function of age? maturity? habit?

You got that right. I think it is a function of all three. First, once you are in a committed relationship, you have less and less time for others. You start to weed out the extraneous friendships or more importantly, those that your significant other may not like or participate in. For example, if you are married, and your wife hates your friend Bob, but loves your friend Bill, 9 times outta 10 you will maintain your friendship with Bill over Bob. No matter how much you like Bob, you will just stay better friends with Bill. He gets the barbeque invites, double dates, the kind words, etc. and you must see Bob at seedy bars behind your wife's back so she doesn't bitch at you. The same is true for your female friends who you could possibly be attracted to. Unless you have a really secure girlfriend, she probably isn’t going to like your hot friend too much. And, I’d like to say that won’t happen very much because women are really secure, but I don’t think I need to explain why I can’t.

Additionally, consider that women are just as territorial as men when it comes to the opposite sex. You wouldn’t want so dude you’re not that close to hanging out with your foxy lady? And, you probably will bitch about it to the point where she starts hanging out with that guy less and less. It just happens.

You seem close to a number of opposite sex friends so how has that affected your "regular" relationships or do you say "hey if he can't handle my friends you aren't really that into me etc?"

I have been pretty lucky in my regular relationships in that the guys don’t care about those opposite sex friends. In fact, most have been cool enough to befriend them. This is the BEST strategy for either partner as you can make a new friend and let your place in your significant other’s life be known to their sex-possible friends.

and to the guy who stopped talking mid-sentence, is it OK that he was so interested in you (maybe not just for sex, but more) and didn't want to make that investment in yet another female "friend". Maybe he was the guy who always ends up as friends - not that he only values the vagina. I mean come on, Its OK to value it but not ONLY that!

I totally would never judge him for that. And I was just being snarky by suggesting that he only is interested in the pink. I am sure many guys get sick of that “friends” label and drunk and horny on a Friday night was probably the last place he wanted to run into that.

Final thought (which you may disagree): Your average woman sees sex as an exclusive prize (lot's of people want it, only the winners get it)--your average man sees it as threshold to cross (if she's cute, the more the merrier)-- and that’s a pretty serious natural disconnect (unless you are a gay male, then you have it sweeter than all of us heteros).

All the things I love to do.

2006-10-16T10:45:00.001-05:00

Mmm, drinking with friends, chatting about blogging and other nerdy topics, and dancing the night away. As you all know, I’m a grizzled old veteran when it comes to these blogger happy hours. But this one was particularly exciting as new blogger HH host extraordinaire i-66 was hosting his first one after being passed the torch by Kathryn (who was missed).

Okay, my homegirl Kassy K swung by my place for a little drinkie drink before and then we headed over to the Big Hunt just as BAL, Scott and that crazy crew were rolling in. All was well as I quickly began meeting new bloggers and taking shots with familiar faces. I think I chatted with more “new” people than I have in a while so that was fun. I’d say a personal highlight was lounging on the pool table and talking to several guys about their (and their girls’) astrological signs and giving them my rough cut interpretation. It was the cutest thing to see them sort of dumbfounded at how well I was able to assess their situations. Ah, one of my favorite parlor tricks. One of the participants, Ar-jew-tino, believes I am a witch.

I also assisted in the groping of VK , which is something all the ladies love. I got to chat with Pat from DcBlogs about a couple things we have cookin' and was very entertained when a couple people asked him if running DCBlogs was fulltime job. Then Mr. BAL and I had some words about who is really the best drinker…PS I think I won on Friday, Mr. Glassy-glass. The VP of Dior and I got a much need catch-up session (and is it me or that girl just get hotter and hotter every time I see her?). It was also great to chat with the fab Brunch Bird and her charming significant other a.k.a birthday boy (who I also saw on the Metro later that weekend, BTW) as well as several Red Ladies and dear Miss Heather and Ashburnite.

Then we went to Steve’s Ballroom for some dancing and drinking. Steve’s was the usual fun, but I will say one of the funnier moments was when I was adjusting my tank top and oops, ol’ leftie popped out to say hello. I don’t think any bloggers were able to check out my goods, but I saw some dude with a really funny look on his face so I am pretty sure it didn’t go unnoticed. Oh, and thanks to Kassy’s darling friend for the empanada that saved my life. I had no dinner and was headed toward disaster.

A toast to all you bloggers and the fun times we had.

PS I wanted to post these hot pictures to go with since i have no photos, but alas, blogger is being a cunt.

Additional Input on Ankle Boots

2006-10-13T15:52:00.000-05:00

Fine. I'm really needy today. First it's the the blog/blogger survey(thanks to the nine of you who answered it and additional five who looked at it and thought about answering it) and please do go check it out if you haven't already.

So, if there are any almost 5:00 slackers like me out there, I ask: what is your opinion about ankle boots? Do I have the emotional capacity for such a thing?

Consider, I have yet to try leggings under anything so I am hesistant to bust these bad boys out.

But I have a pair. They are brown with stitches

I have a couple knee length skirts so what, with black tights it would be okay?

I consulted About.com:
"Ankle Boots: Ankle boots can really do a number on some women's legs, making them seem bulkier and shorter than they actually are. Women with very thin legs might also struggle pulling off this look, as skinny calves could appear to be swimming inside of ankle boots. If you love your legs, give it a shot, otherwise stick with a less risky option."

Yikes. Then again, who knows, maybe you can give me your opinion when I see you in a couple hours at the Big Hunt and if I look anything that herp-filled ankle boot wearer in above picture, please put me out of my misery...and by that I mean buy me a shot :)

I Want You!

2006-10-13T09:41:00.000-05:00

I need a favor from anyone who regularly reads blogs and has opinions about them. I've got a new joint project, which I'm not going into too much detail about (though I think it's really exciting), and I need YOUR help.

I created a pretty simple blogger survey for you to fill out about ANY blog/blogger you read and fill it out as many times as you are able. This information is just for internal project use and no one will read or hear about the information that you share and since it's anon, you don't have to worry about it ever being attibuted to you.

I'm just looking for your honest opinions about the blogs you read and why you read them / what makes them interesting to you. Thanks in advance for your time and help on this!

And, see you at the Big Hunt tonight!

NYC Pictures of You via Booze Clues

2006-10-11T14:50:00.000-05:00

There is this comedic bit (which I didn't come up with) about Booze Clues (taken from Blue's Clues) where a helpful dog (or friend) follows you around with a camera while you get wasted to help you remember what the hell happened the next day.

The photo on the right taken over the weekend while I was in NYC would be an example of how useful such a dog / friend can be. That disheveled girl laughing in the left corner is me. I see my friends Jake Barnes a.k.a birthday boy on the left there and my homegirl Cat. Hum, now Jake got that shirt for his birthday on Saturday night, and I see there is bottled beer, and the only place I remember drinking bottled beer is at that kareoke bar so THAT'S IT! Wow, I really don't remember that.

Whew, see how useful that special someone with the camera can be?

Here are a couple more of my fav photos taken by Cat and others. Enjoy :)

Cat and me pre-evening in the birthday boy's great SoHo apartment (yeah, my dress should look familar to the regular readers)...

The birthday boy has a little drinky-drink to celebrate (Is all that chest hair for moi!)

From Jack Serpentine: "By far, the best photo is [Jake Barnes] and me looking hard. That probably intimidates the ladies though. We're so complicated."

Here is when the evening really got started, at Pravda with Champagne and Vodka and great company...

Ah, what a good looking foursome...

Who are these handsome (drunk) devils?

Sweet Jesus, now this is my favorite picture. I'm not going to be admitting what we were all singing here because what happens in New York stays in New York (or is posted on my blog for you to laugh at).

Brought Up to the Bigs.

2006-10-11T08:45:00.000-05:00

I’ve been training for years.

Working on my shot slamming (slippery nipple, red headed slut, SoCo and Lime, Jagermeister, straight chilled Petron Gold)

Working on the charm (getting smashed, taking a friend with and getting smashed, chatting with familiar faces while getting smashed, chatting with new and familiar faces and getting smashed, licking faces)

Working on the hostessing (Lovely dinner parties, grandma's 80th, my sweet 16 extravaganza, the connections with coke dealers and strippers and my friends that give lap dances)

Working on the dance moves (with drink and side to side shuffle, with drink and hip shake, with drink and ass drop, with drink in cage, with drink and on invisible pole)

Working on the wardrobe (sexy professional, short skirt / tasteful top, fun going out with a little cleve, full-on slut wear)

Finally, I got the call from just the right co-hosts...
Let the love begin

The Lovers Happy Hour

Hosted by DC Bachelor & Sally and Circle V

Thursday, October 19, 2006 @ 8:00 p.m.

Cafe Citron

I could live in New York

2006-10-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I was in the City, and I did several seemingly “New Yorker” things.

I bitched about a movie being filmed in SoHo (where we stayed) and taking up all the parking.

I was made Brooklyn jokes.

I acted only moderately interested when Jack Black walked up next to me.

I successfully used the Subway all by myself.

I got annoyed at tourists gawking.

I shopped at Clarie Danes’ favorite store.

I discussed the Yankees and the future of Joe.

I got my hair cut and “blown out.”

I had two pitchers of Bellinis at a great the Lower East Side brunch spot with a very hip and hilarious girl.

I celebrated a dear friend’s birthday at Pravda, an underground Caviar Bar, followed up with drinks and cigarettes and a private karaoke party until 4:00 in the morning.

Sure, there are many other stories (and photos) to come, but the long and short of it is that being in New York City was just fantastic.

"The present in New York is so powerful that the past is lost.”
-John Jay Chapman

Weekend Round-Up: But I Wanted To Be Tawdry Edition

2006-10-06T09:15:00.000-05:00

So despite a few queenie naysayers, it seemed like most of you enjoyed our “tawdry” times
at the Yeas & Neas party.

However, the fun will continue as I plan to celebrate my Native America ancestry on Columbus Day by drinking a lot and gambling. No, seriously, I’m going to New York City today and not sobering up until Tuesday. Yeah, and I’m hoping to play some poker in a couple NYC Card Rooms. What, I'm on the rolls, I can say it.

So I’m off to NYC to see some friends and party for ol’ Jake Barnes’ birthday over the holiday weekend. I should have lots of stories and photos (including one with me on Katie Couric’s lap) so you’ve got that going for you.

However, this also means that I will not be celebrating another friend’s birthday and all the VIP-licious fun that I know goes with rollin with the Holla Crew. VK: I will be there in drunken, drunken Indian sprirt…

Final thoughts stolen from Wikipedia: Ward Churchill (an associate professor of Native American Studies at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and a leader of the American Indian Movement), has argued that:

Very high on the list of those expressions of non-indigenous sensibility which contribute to the perpetuation of genocidal policies against Indians are the annual Columbus Day celebration, events in which it is baldly asserted that the process, events, and circumstances described above are, at best, either acceptable or unimportant. More often, the sentiments expressed by the participants are, quite frankly, that the fate of Native America embodied in Columbus and the Columbian legacy is a matter to be openly and enthusiastically applauded as an unrivaled "boon to all mankind." Undeniably, the situation of American Indians will not -- in fact cannot -- change for the better so long as such attitudes are deemed socially acceptable by the mainstream populace. Hence, such celebrations as Columbus Day must be stopped. (In "Bringing the Law Back Home.")

Have and great weekend and enjoy the weather tomorrow, suckers, I know I will!!

Yeas & Neas: We Represented, Yo

2006-10-05T07:42:00.000-05:00

A kind blogger forwarded me her invite (thanks again) to the DC Examiner Yeas & Neas party so I grabbed my hot date Kathryn and off we went.

My expectations were to see colorful “famous for DC” types and perhaps hear some gossip about gossip columnists.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for Mike Grass, Mr. WaPo Express, the event would have been a bust. Not only is Mike great for pointing out who is who, but he usually has a little back story to keep such stuffy events fun and interesting.

Kathryn and I were also treated to meeting Mr. Wonkette, Alex Pareene, (sporting a very sharp corduroy suit) and the lovely Wonkette photographer Liz (PS Liz: just give me the word, sista) who were getting some needed beer and respite from all Foley all the time.

And aside from seeing Patrick Gavin (Um, he was wearing a red tie!!!) and some truly heinous happy hour wear (is that shirt comprised of two Punky Brewster scarves tied together???), there was little else to see except for several more glasses of Merlot.

Oh, I absolutely cannot forget to mention that I had a great chat with the lovely Brunch Bird and her charming significant other. She’s a hottie my friends, regulation.

And the goodie bags. I lifted this photo (from Miss Bird's post) of one of our "swag" items --a bottle of Yeas & Neas wine --as well as a rather large DC Examiner wine key (the gift that keeps on giving) and copy of said paper. Lovely.

So maybe it's not fair of me to judge this party a snooze, particularly since my standards may be a wee bit high considering my last event at the University Club was filled with professional poker players, cigars and Hard A. So, I'll just say, like the fat girl at the prom, I was just happy to be invited.

Oh, and a great dinner with Mike and Kathryn at 15 Ria followed by drinks at Lucky Strike w/ K’s BP certainly did increase the quality level to make it a very nice evening spent.

Looks Like Oktoberfest

2006-10-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

My week of busy continues, but I had to post this really cute picture of Kassy and I making a Barmaid Kathryn sandwich on Saturday night.

DC Bachelor gets photo credit on this one with his sweet new camera.

As if you need an explanation as to why Kathryn is dressed as said sexy Barmaid a.k.a St. Pauli Girl, she was part of a kickin Oktoberfest party at her BP's amazing house (best roof deck ever, man).

What Boys Taught Me

2006-10-02T11:07:00.000-05:00

I know I don’t tell personal stories about myself very often, but this weekend reminded me of something. (V Note: And to the few of you who could read more to this than there is, I’d ask that this post not be misinterpreted as taking a side as that’s not what it is about at all).

First, while I wouldn’t trade my girlfriends for anything, 9 times outta 10, I get along with guys better. My first friend in kindergarten was a boy and I’ve always just felt more comfortable with groups of then. I thrived on my friendships with boys so when I was in high school, I never had a boyfriend, ever. I had many “guy friends” but rarely the occasional flirtation or “hook up.”

In my mind, conceding sexual feelings meant the end of these guys valuing me as their friend. I actually remember thinking this when I was in second grade as I watched Tony Ellis, the heart throb of Washington Elementary, "go with" and dump girl after girl after girl after girl, while I got to remain his friend for several more years and that meant lots of fun times with him and his buddies. But in fifth grade, I made the mistake and agreed to “go” with him and was promptly dumped for Tina Bluett one week later and our friendship never recovered. That lesson stayed with me.

In high school, I was a member of the speech and debate team, and I credit a lot of who I am today to those people and experiences. Anyway, as you can imagine, there are not a whole lot of cuties that go to these speech tournaments a.k.a dork fests. I had several girlfriends on the team that were pretty darn cute so we got a bit of attention from the guys. We essentially had two main schools that we were close too and that included attention from about 10-15 different dudes (some just friendly, others more).

So, while there were several guys that I would have dated or at least liked to hang out with more seriously, I wouldn’t. The main reason is because I hated the idea of guys talking to me because they wanted to hook up with me. At the age of fifteen, I was seriously paranoid that I would lose friends because I’d choose one over the other or others wouldn’t care about me if they had made out with me or whatever. This fear gave me an incredible capability to push people (guys) away just so that I could keep them close.

It got to the point where I’d have three or four friends of guys coming up to me and saying “so and so really likes you” or “so and so wants to go out with you” –you know, typical high school stuff. I’d always laugh it off. Always.

Most of them quit trying after a while, and eventually we all settled into some great friendships.

When I went to college, I met a guy who proved to be everything I could ever want in a first love, but we didn’t start dating because I was worried that it would ruin our friendship. In fact, we were strangely intimate friends for several months before I’d even admit “I like you.”

It’s been a while since I thought about that because in the real world the divider between friends and “lovers” is rarely cross and re-crossed. A few months ago, I went on a overly-passionate rant because I was having a great chat with a guy and then as soon as he found out that I was not available, he just stopped mid-sentence and left me standing there.

He has a right to that (particularly if he assumes the only value a woman has is her vagina), and I certainly respect the idea that “Hey, I’ve got enough friends,” or "you're not my friend-type," but as a female who has many guy friends that I value and hopefully enhance their life in some ways other than sexually, those type of scenarios bring back a lot of memories.

PSA: Charming for a Good Cause

2006-09-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

Before you hit da' club this evening, you should stop by the basement at My Bakery & Café, a.k.a. MBC Lounge (2233 Wisconsin Ave from 8-11) for a good cause and some local tunes for less than the price of a drink.

If you're into reporters and/or hipsters, this might be the perfect activity for you as the Charm Offensive (and respective fans) has both.

Check out their myspace page to learn more.

Ariel: Hot or Not? Or Initial Thoughts on the Masculine Mystique

2006-09-27T08:23:00.000-05:00

Does that clam bra do it for you? Or are you more into blondes in subservient positions?

As you may have seen advertised around town, Disney is “opening the vault” and releasing The Little Mermaid on DVD.

I have talked to several guys that are really into Ariel (I assume when she has, um, legs). I personally have always been more of a Belle fan from Beauty and the Beast. I’m sad to see (what appears to be) the end of animated movies (Did you know it’s been 10 years since Toy Story was released), and I am glad that I grew up when these animated movies were in their prime.

I’m a little pressed for time today, but these Little Mermaid posters up all over have been reminding me of how huge the Disney Princess Collection has become with thousands of little girls all over the country. Interestingly, Cinderella is by far the most popular of the Princesses, and as you can imagine, it’s not so much the scullery maid costume that is a top seller with these little girls.

I remember reading an essay in college about the types of stories we tell children (and girls in particular) as they are growing up and how most of the stories little girls read deal with being rescued by men and rewarded for beauty.

I’ve even heard (or read blogs) where men play into that “princess” fantasy and women believe that because of their looks or sweet coo or whatever, they deserve to have a man spoil them and put his own desires on hold for her or perhaps, his desires can be fulfilled by just making her happy. Sort of a reverse of the Feminine Mystique, I guess…will give it more thought soon.

Enough of this, so which Disney character was your fav and why?

More (needless) theories and thoughts on music videos.

2006-09-22T09:08:00.000-05:00

When any medium reaches a point where it has a surplus of ego and money, you enter dangerous territory.

The best example of this in movies is Boomerang, starring Eddie Murphy. If you haven’t seen it, let me just sum it up as a coke-induced love letter by the ego of Eddie Murphy to Eddie Murphy.

Essentially, Eddie works in the perfume business (cause it was either that or fashion or Wall Street in late 80s/ early 90s) and he’s got a dick of gold or something and every woman wants him, but he only wants a woman with a perfect manicure or something. And, after he gets “played” by Robin Givens, he settles for a pre-nose job Halle Berry. It’s actually even worse than it sounds, and I watch it every, every time on it’s on TBS.

My point here is that some studio actually liked his pitch because he’s a big star and up until about six months ago, studios hated to tell stars no. Of course now these studios have wised up a bit and Tom Cruise would be the most recent example of telling an actor to “get real,” despite the fact that they were dealing with Tom Cruise.

So some studio said yes, Eddie, we’ll make this piece of crap because you want it and we’ll make you look like a God with little regard for the audience or our own self-respect.

In music videos, we are seeing the exact same thing.

Record labels are financing stars' egos. Granted, a music video is more image-based and trying to get potential CD buyers interested, however, I think that the influx of cool camera angles and decent directors has made music videos even worse.

For example:

“Sexy Back” by Jusin Timberlake

Okay, bitches, put those claws away and listen. I AGREE, the song is hot. I love Timbaland and Justin and I was really excited about the video. But it sucks. Now, it might look good cause they sprung for some sweet cameras and a decent director, but the video is just catering to Justin’s fantasy to be a sexy spy a la James Bond as he chases some lingerie clad model around in a club and then in the hotel room next to his to be followed by what appears to be the worst case of blue balls ever as his dick is so sweet, she has pangs of guilt that she’s going to kill him, and he sees that, runs next door and confirms that in fact someone has been in his room, and he must jump back to hers, hopefully to finish off.

It’s fine to be confused the first time you see it and be like, he’s a spy, but what’s happening? But after the twentieth time when you find yourself going, Oh, he’s a spy and nothing happens then you know it’s just a love letter to Justin's ego. I mean seriously, that kiss at the end of the video in the bathroom almost caused me to shoot milk out my nose.

“Come to Me Now” by Puff and that girl from the Pussy Cat Dolls

Okay, so sure I love Puff, blah, blah, blah, and that girl from the Pussy Cat Dolls (TGFTPCD) is pretty hot, but seriously, why must we always be chasing each other around? This video starts out kinda funny, Diddy in bed with a hottie sleeping next to him and another hottie just chillin in a chair. But then it’s just shots of Puff and TGFTPCD. I know they are in a club and she’s giving him that fuck me stare for some reason. I’ve seen the video like fifty times, and I can’t even think of how the damn song goes. And, the song is certainly not as entertaining as watching puff try to dance. Hasn’t anyone told him he can’t dance? I mean it’s one thing to shuffle and mug for the camera, it’s another thing to actually have coordinated moves with backup dancers. That shit is bananas. I think K-Fed may have more moves than Diddy. Terrible. This video is a series of "hot shots," which is so lame and cliche that I can't believe they wasted those two minutes of my life (multiplied by 15).

“Maneater” by Nelly Furtado

Okay, I feel sorry for this bitch for a lot of reasons. First, how cute was she when she was little and singing in the mud about the lights going off? Really cute. Well she’s back now and working her ass off to make up for lost time and her busted face. She just burning through that "what ladies in hip-hop do" check list (be hot, kinda gangsta, work with good producer, say you’re a slut, say you like bling, rap a little, dance dirty).

And, while I loved Promiscuous Girl, cause, you know, I have a soul, Maneater is just sad. Nelly’s like: “Hey guys, did you see how cool my last video was? Yeah, Timbaland AND Justin were in it!! And, didn’t I look hot in that belly shirt and jeans? And did you see me RAP. With TIMBALAND. On snap, I am so hot right now. No one cares that I was pregger and MIA all these years. So yeah, well, my next video is just as hot, except no one showed up except my dog Toby, a bunch of tattooed back up dancers and a pyromaniac. But it's still really fierce.”

Right. So aside from the fact that she looks really awkward charming those demons with her dancing about (it reminds me of my drunk dance when I have to use the wall to stand but still think it’s a good idea to throw off my shoes and spin, arms out, in circles. I don’t like to remember that shit, and certainly don’t want it incorporated into a music video), it also makes no sense. She's chasing her really cute dog into a circle of hell that happens to also double as a drunk tank, which is then on fire, to be followed by her on a roof at sunrise does not constitute cool or even moderately entertaining. And, I’m not even talking about the song. Cause she sounds like a whiney little girl.

“London Bridge” by Fergie

I’m not really into shooting fish in a barrel, so I’ll keep this brief. While I have many problems with this song (obviously lifted from Gwen and Missy), and her attire (is that a sports bra followed by the shirt to my grandma’s old lady suit), it is the close up shots where they have her laying on the billiards table and she is trying to look pretty and desirable that I feel the most sad for her because she is neither. As Jack Serpentine says, “Looking at that girl makes my dick itch.” Poor, Fergs.

Does Beyonce have any friends?

2006-09-20T10:31:00.000-05:00

Because if she did, surely they would tell her to put the hair piece down and take a Xanax. Seriously.

Let me just say that I have only heard two songs of the newly released album "B'Day," and I may even buy it as I likes my party music before I go out. While neither of these songs are really my B fav's, I am more concerned with the videos for her two releases “Déjà vu” and “Ring the Alarm.”

If you haven’t seen these videos, I’d really suggest you spend your morning breakfast time like me, flipping between VH1 and MTV. Then you’ll know my pain. But, you might also catch the new songs/videos for the Killers or Raconteurs and that would be sweet for you. Anyway, I Youtubed them for you.

“Déjà vu” by Beyonce

To quote one thread from blackgirlonline.com (NSFW) I discovered while googling for info who said: “that video was terrible. bitch dancing in corn fields and all kinds of other crazy shit.” Agreed. The video is the PERFECT example of no one telling B that it may be her B-day, but the cake is making everyone sick and the clown is touching the children.

This video was shot outside New Orleans in an area where her mother grew up and has some truly lovely locations in old bars, in green fields and under old trees. But Beyonce is out of control. She’s franticly trying to be sexy. I mean I thought “Crazy in Love,” was a bit excessive, but damn, this is just sad. When a girl with an ass like that has to try to be sexy, you know somethings not working. Then the part with Jay-Z, it’s worse than when she danced up on Usher, and he’s a fag. Jay-Z been tapping that shit since it was barely legal and he can’t even fain interest. Terrible.
This shit is so bad that days after it came out some of her fans started an online petition to get her to reshoot it because:
“We, the fans of one Beyonce' Knowles, ask that an alternative video be shot featuring; more choreographed & less spontaneous dancing, clearer visual themes that relate to the lyrics of the song, less gyrating, less scenes of non-existent sexual chemistry between Mr. Carter and Ms. Knowles, less zooming and quick cut edits and a more stylized and clear direction for all other aspects of the video production.”

Last time I checked, there were 6,824 people who signed on.

“Ring the Alarm” by Beyonce

Beyonce’s extension and wig frenzy fest continues with this nonsensical little tribute to Basic Instinct and any movie where someone was dragged away by secret agents. It also consists of a very angry B and her “emotions” a la a sixteen year old girl reciting Emily’s tearful goodbye from Our Town. And I’m supposed to believe there is Oscar buzz around her performance in Dream Girls? Right.

The whole “plot” of the video is for tards. I am so over that Basic Instinct reference and also over that four foot long pony tail. She actually grabs it at the base and swings it around like a lasso or something. And then there are dudes dragging her down a hallway and she’s really, really mad. Then for some reason she’s at a beach house in her Ellie May inspired garb with Capri jean shorts and cropped top and she’s really, really sad. I’m confused?

Let's learn together, here are some of the lyrics:

If I let you go
She gon' take everything I own
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go

She gon' rock them VVS stones
If I let you go
Get in the 'Bach or the Rolls
If I let you go
She gon' profit everything I taught
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go

And:

He's so arrogant and bold (Oh)
But she gon' love that shit, I know
I done put in a call, time to ring the alarm
'Cause you ain't never seen a fire like the one

So he’s cheating. And, she won’t get all that shit “for free” anymore. Hum. It would certainly have been more interesting if she had showed him cheating, she stalked him and then killed him or something a la Chicago. That would be kinda cute. Instead we get two minutes of sad Beyonce and mad Beyonce and various heinous outfits. Damn, that girl needs some friends.

Living the (poker) dream

2006-09-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

I recently read about a cool, new Web site that helps poker lovers like me find casinos worth visiting all over the country. The casino review system on the site is not just based on a player’s experience, but a list of questions to determine the type of action and rules to help determine if it’s a casino worth visiting for what you want.

After dropping them a couple suggestions (including beefing up the Oklahoma casinos section), I thought I’d toss it to my few (beloved) poker readers out there so you, too, can add your own thoughts to their Web site.

And, though still being developed, ThePokerAtlas.com will have integrated maps to guide players to the nearest games in an area, with user and editorial reviews, poker room submissions and ultimately poker room manager tools providing up to date live action information, tournament schedules and promotions. Pretty sweet, eh.

For the non-poker players, you might just be interested in what the creators of this site are doing. Brian Easterling and Leigh Wetzel are a poker playing couple that have hit the road in a 1963 Airstream trailer to play as much poker as they want all over the country. The airstream a.k.a. “The Flying Cloud” is equipped with a satellite dish for internet access so they are able to play both online and live games.

Bluff Magazine (under "Born to be Wild" header) featured the couple as well as their hound Curtis twice. You can follow them on their journey (458 days strong) on a pictorial travel blog. There are some great photos and interesting tales of their travels so far.

Bloggers Brought Lucky/Back

2006-09-18T08:42:00.000-05:00

The blogger HH was a great success and wonderful way to tell Kathryn thanks for all her HH organizing efforts.

And, while I won't say who gave who a lap/table dance, I will say that it wasn't just Kassy and me that were all smiles. Be sure to check out event co-host i-66's smoochin' good recap as well as others.

PS: Sally and DC Bach: I just don't remember how it all ended at Dragonfly, but thanks for the fun times that I remember ;)

I love this picture, just your typical friendly little chat...

Less than 24 hours here and he's already paparazzi'd

2006-09-15T16:50:00.000-05:00

Well, his hands, anyway. That's right, Dan was only here a mere eight hours and he's already showing up in the paparazzi shots. Okay, it's just his hands and not real paps, just friendly DCist-ers.

Day two of blogger fun continues--See you all in a few :)

Better Read Up For Tomorrow's Blogger Happy Hour

2006-09-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

I am very excited about tomorrow’s blogger happy hour. Aside from the fun of everyone toasting Kathryn as it’s the last HH where she will be serving as hostess queen extraordinaire, there will also be a special guest blogger from Kansas.

You’ve probably read Dan’s posts here before, he happens to be coming into town today and that means he's going to his first ever DC Blog happy hour. Lucky him, right!

I talked to Dan briefly last night about this and he assured me he would brush up on DC blogs to prepare for tomorrow. And, aside from the good shit I’ll tell him after a few drinks, I thought there was probably some other stuff he should know.

Let’s see, he can check out a history of blogger happy hours and me.

He should def read up on who has been running the show and her recent goings on.

Perhaps the new blog of the old blog guard as well as her walker.

And, in your free time this afternoon and tomorrow, I’d also recommend brushing up on these happy hour regulars:

DC Blogs Family (All DC bloggers owe this gang a big thank you with their organized and creativeapproach to our chaos)
DC Bachelor(Great blogger, wearer of headbands, foe of the betas)
DC Cookie (A great girl you'll love to drink with)
Kassy K (blog world darling, V drinking buddy, hung w/ Floyd while he was here)
Virgle Kent (Aside from me lovin the VK, he also gave Floyd the VIP look at DC)
Sally of DC Bachelor (One of my fav party girls)
Rock Creek Rambler(Great drinker, great blogger—is there a better combination)
Velvet (Very popular blog and fellow Dupont girl)
I-66 (Mr. Popular)
Kris (my kind of blog/blogger)
Heather (Funny and thoughtful—great combo)
Good at drinking, bad at life ( he and his buddy Scott always get me into trouble)
Mike (Always fun and has coveted position of being paid to read blogs)

Whew. Now, there are many, many others I am looking forward to catching up with and meeting but please feel free to add onto my list for blogger education efforts.

The important point is: We’ll see you there!

A Recommendation: Sans Panties

2006-09-13T13:37:00.000-05:00

If you have read any mindless celeb blogs lately, you’d know that Miss Lohan is really making a-go of winning Paris Hilton’s crown as Queen of the No Panties.

There are several recent examples of her freckled coo being flashed as she exits. And, while it is totally stupid of her to not wear undies knowing that a gillion people will be looking for such a photographic opportunity, I would like to take a minute to defend her commando choice.

In college, some of my guy friends could not sing the praises enough of those “Free Ball Fridays” where the boxers and briefs would be shed and the bits and pieces could run free.

However, I always thought just those slutty McSlut Sluts didn’t wear undies. You know, for slutty quickies. That was (obviously) wrong as soon thereafter, during my virginal days, I stopped wearing underwear. And, in fact, it was at the recommendation of my girl doctor (And, no, later loss of virginity had nothing to do with lack of underwear).

My gyno at the time was on a one woman crusade to stop females' rampant use of underwear—at least for several days a week. She explained that it is unhealthy for a lady’s vag to be covered up all the time. This covering can cause increased bacteria or other lady problem infections as well as an increase in stinky. She said even when a woman wears pantyhose, she should cut a hold in the crotch to, um, let it breathe.

At first I thought it was just a little too TMI, even from my lady doctor. But then one day I ran out of underwear and thought I’d give it a try. It was really, really weird at first, but after a few weeks of trying it intermittently, I now go sans panties as often as possible.

This little recomendation, ladies, is at the very least you should shed underwear at night and around the house. Of course, if you’re about to climb out of a limo into a flock of photographers, I’d grab a thong unless you want your cuntcake spread all over the blogosphere.

PS I just noticed Kathryn has posted a perspective about lady parts as well--go check it out.

Emo McHipster

2006-09-11T15:17:00.000-05:00

I stole that phrase. But, it’s appropriate when thinking of my wonderful weekend in North Carolina.

We learned many things on this road trip. And, aside from the fact that Bojangles famous chicken and biscuits are worth punching your baby sister over, I also saw many, many hipsters in Chapel Hill. It is like most “progressive” college towns and just crawling with them.

While DC hipsters are cute and entertaining to see (like those idiots in seersucker suits or some dude with a gay-hawk), I don’t think it really compares to places where you look like a freak without chunky bangs and plastic pearls.

For example, I was at this nice little bar called Fuse, and I think I was discriminated against because I wasn’t a hipster. I stood there wating for a drink in my oh so pedestrian nondescript shirt and non-pouty features to be passed over for every girl in wig or guy in a vintage tee. I wanted to explain to the bartender that it’s actually better to wait on me as I won’t just order PBR, but actually good booze with a good tip. But, the emo music was screeching so I just waited and waited and hoped not to get lice.

Okay, that was mean. The fact is that most of Emo McHipsters I saw were really waify and cute. Not too many seemed THAT unwashed so I could deal.

The rest of my time away was spent hanging out with Jane and friends, seeing the campuses of UNC and Duke as well as enjoying some great NC BBQ.

P.S. Speaking of Emo McHipsters, has anyone seen the preview for Marie Antoinette set to that Gang of Four song?

I mean I LOVE Jason Schwartzman and Sofia Coppola, but modern "trappings" and music?

To the theater

2006-09-08T09:29:00.000-05:00

I’m going to see Jane in a play written by a friend who is a great writer from the South. His most recent piece that I read was published in the New Yorker. I hear that’s a good spot for your work. I really enjoy his writing, and am looking forward to the production, which I believe he also directed.

And, in addition to a little theater with friends, I am going to really imbibe in as much Southern living as possible. Bourbon and branch water, large meals with many gracious and interesting people and soaking up that evening breeze and soft country sounds. Ah, a little fresh air will really hit the spot.

A good weekend to ya'll.

Hammy on the Hill

2006-09-07T11:47:00.000-05:00

Big client in town this week so I'm sorry I've been MIA as of late, however, I did have an event last night in the same hotel as Grammys on the Hill w/ Kelly effing Clarkson. Hotness. Check out the article, you won't want to miss the "congressional record" joke.

Of course the main objective was "Stopping those illegal downloaders and protecting the rights of those who make and sell music are two goals in which some members of Congress and music industry executives seem to be in perfect harmony."

Kelly said: "Not many people know what it takes to make music," Clarkson told ABC News. "They see my face, but there are a lot of people that make it happen."

Oh, yes, Kelly, no one is missing your face these days (Snap!).

Two true stories about the same person

2006-09-05T08:21:00.000-05:00

I’ve never discussed this particular friend on my blog before, let’s call her Kelly.

So Kelly is real drunk one night coming home late from the bar. She enters the lobby of her rather large apartment building and there is a guy there. He hits on her and she decides to invite him up to her place. They get it on. Post-coitus, they are talking. He starts to act a little funny. She asks what’s wrong. He explains this might be a little weird for them because he lives on the same floor as her—with his girlfriend.

A few days later she gets a note from the property manager to come see her. Kelly swings by and the property manager, a large, black woman, sits behind her desk saying nothing. She looks at Kelly and just starts moaning a la the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. Kelly is stunned as this goes on. The manager stops, looks at her and says “Keep it down.”

Needless to say, it had been a rough week for Kelly.

GOD, I go to one swingers party...

2006-09-01T09:22:00.000-05:00

It's always fun to see who links to your blog. I've had several from the usual biggies for various DC-related posts, however, lately I've been getting a little attention from others for my swinger party post.

While Jessica Cutler's link is still bringing in all sorts of people, I also noticed this link at a swingers advertising Web site. Interesting.

However, the most recent link from To the People , which appears to be a law oriented blog, was posted by "intern" who writes:

"This girl (links to me) claims to be the maven of all things sex in DC.

Not all her posts are sex-related, but many of them are (so VERY not safe for work) and I gotta admit. I had no idea we had so many swingers parties."

Hum, a law intern blogger crowned me "maven of all things sex in DC"...I gotta get some new underwear.

And, I'd like to thank the Academy and Jesus...

Guest Blogger Dan: The Bad News Ringtone

2006-08-31T08:31:00.000-05:00

Circle V Note: For your Thursday reading pleasure, here is a post from another one of our favorites around here-- the Tornado Slide's Dan.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love my cell phone, but you know what I don't love?

The extra taxes and surcharges? (Well, yes, but...)

Mr. Hardass I-know-I'm-pissing-at-the-airport-urinal-but-I've-got-to-continue-this-super-important-call-regarding-the-Dondlinger-merger Businessman? (Well, that's a given...)

T-Mobile spokesperson Catherine Zeta-Jones pretending she's still a cocktease, post-Michael Douglas? (Well, yeah, that too...)

I don't love my new phone's selection of ringtones. The dainty, pre-loaded melodies are perfectly suitable for a prepubescent schoolgirl, but are worthless for a man such as myself, a man who has obtained a certain position in life. Of course, the phone companies (and that money-grubbing whore Zeta-Jones) know that my demographic will gladly cough up two dollars or so to acquire a ringtone that is more suitable. We clamor for just the right music to announce a call - something original and ironical, something to prove that we're not just another toolbag with a RAZR stuffed down our pants.

Accordingly, the first ringtone I purchased was the Hova's own "Big Pimpin'"; my Samsung unit masterfully translated its flavorful, horn-laced intro into a ridiculous series of beeps and bloops that always brought a smile to my face. But there was a problem. A big one. And I didn't realize it until it was too late.

Take it from me, fellows - you don't want the phone call that heralds the unexpected death of your godmother to be preceded by a goofy serenade from the Jigga-man.

In light of this unfortunate reality, I am proposing a necessary technological advancement, "The Bad News Ringtone". Less funny but more useful than "The Bad News Bears", this chime will replace your default ringer whenever necessary.

How will it work? It's so terribly simple, even that stupid cow Catherine Zeta-Jones could figure it out!

Step 1. Your girlfriend decides to tell you about the rube that she's been laying a hump into.

Step 2. Thoughtless enough to schlob another man's knob, but kind enough to give you fair warning, the slut dials a special code, followed by your number.

Step 3. Instead of the theme from Monday Night Football, your phone emits a somber noise, preparing you for the worst.

Now, there are some kinks to work out. For starters, I haven't quite determined what the somber noise should be. The sound of an air raid siren seems too severe; instead, something akin to the serious but melodic strains of the Emergency Broadcast System may be more appropriate. In any case, it's a fine idea, and I hope you'll join me in my brave new tomorrow, the era of The Bad News Ringtone.

Guest Blogger Jake Barnes: The Ultimate Luxury Item

2006-08-30T09:43:00.000-05:00

Circle V Note: Here is another post from Guest Blogger Jake Barnes at our NYC Corporate Office.

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I used to be one of those people who thought I was above "material" things. Friends and co-workers discussed their dreams of owning a fancy TV, a sportscar that could speed down highways at 180 mph, a speedboat to park in their driveway for all neighbors to see, diamond-encrusted necklaces or bracelets, Prada shoes, Burberry scarves, luxurious McMansions, etc, etc.

And I always said, "material things don't bring me happiness. Put me in a small apartment with good friends and a nice family and enough money to get by and I'll be fine."

Nope.

The weird thing is: nothing changed. I still don't want a fast car, Armani suits, or a big house. I don't dream about speeding my new boat around the local lake or buying the latest electronic device. I don't even own an Ipod. But I've come to realize that all along, I dreamed of the ultimate luxury item. I dreamed of doing what I am doing now. To live in Manhattan.

I pay the price of a mortgage, boat payment, and Corvette lease every month just for the right to live in a tiny SoHo apartment and be able to write "New York, NY" on my return address. There tends to be a type of snobbery with people like me. I look at fast cars and big houses and think, "how empty." But I happily write out my check each month for the right "feel" cooler than Borough or New Jersey residents. I justify it. My commute is shorter (not true if I lived in Brooklyn), I enjoy the people in my neighborhood (I work until midnight and the people in my neighborhood would never accept a lawyer anyway), what if there's a blackout? (it's not like I would know what to do in Manhattan).

Point is, I love living in Manhattan because I, like everyone, enjoy luxury. The definition of luxury is different for every person. Some want cars and jewelry. Others want travel and concerts. Others want to live in Manhattan. We all do it for the same reasons: we enjoy the sense that not everyone can do it.

There is nothing morally superior about any of these options. After all, if you'd rather live in New Jersey, shop at Target, live in a boring planned community, and drive a $50,000 gas-guzzling SUV to meet your wife and kids at TGI Fridays after you finish your tedious mid-level management job, who is to say that is inferior to living in the most diverse, cultured, and exciting City on earth?

Certainly not me.

Pass the Effing Tissue.

2006-08-29T13:59:00.000-05:00

Let me say this first, I hate whiners and thin skinned weak asses, and I certainly have enough bitch exterior to ward off most people if I want. However, I have a particular problem, I cry at movies….A LOT.

I recently made the mistake of watching ALL of Titanic again (not just up until they do it in the car, which is usually where I turn it off), and I was a sobbing mess.

I also, apparently, cannot watch “kid movies” as I cry a pretty decent amount then, too, including the Parent Trap (with L-Lo), any of the Anne of Green Gables series or any version of Little Women...and there are many others.

I particularly hate crying in the theater. The worst of it was at Beauty and the Beast (1991), Armageddon (1998) and The House of Sand and Fog (2003). On all three occasions, I had to hold my breath so I wouldn’t start audibly sobbing in the theater.

I also refuse to watch war movies or movies where "normal" people tell me how much they cried, for example, The Notebook.

And, of course, my mother is the exact same way. While I would like to think it’s my superhuman ability to empathize, it might also just be that we are just cry babies. It pisses me off. I cried while watching the music video “Just the Two of Us” or whatever by Will Smith for chrissake and don’t even get me started on the traditional “chick flicks” like Steel Magnolias, Dying Young or Beaches. Fucking embarrassing.

I remember the first time I cried while watching TV, too. It was such a weird experience. It was during an episode of Highway to Heaven and Michael Landon’s character helped some old guy go to those pearly gates. I remember that man’s old face as he walked down the smoky, but well lit stretch of road. It really got me. I remember my dad being kind of surprised because I was pretty young at the time maybe 4 or 5 and he explained that it was just TV. I told him how I felt and he laughed and said I was going to be just like my mother.

He got that right.

A certain position in life

2006-08-28T12:06:00.000-05:00

Jack Serpentine recently explained that some of his choices as of late have been because he has “attained a certain position in life” where he no longer has to settle for X.

This justification was used for buying a flat screen TV and having digital cable for sports and movie watching.

Agreeing with Jack's logic, Maime enjoyed some Cognac this weekend saying“I’ve gotten old enough that I don’t have to drink shitty booze. I’ve attained a certain position in life where I don’t have to drink Hawkeye vodka anymore.”

It’s not that Maime or Jack have suddenly cashed in the trust fund, it’s that many of us are (or transitioning into) young professionals, which means “what’s cheapest” no longer has to be the deciding factor.

Aside from the obvious (having HBO, drinking whatever I feel like ordering, smoking good cigars), I also take clothing more serious. I don’t buy shit just because it’s cheap, I actually buy what I need and looks right. I also get massages, facials, regular petties, go tanning when I look affright, and buy “really good” makeup. I did none of these things in college.

I hope this trend continues as I prefer first class anything, cars with leather, original art, good seats at the theater, really nice hotel rooms and antique books. Most of these things are not serviceable on a young professionals income, however, I am optimistic about the future as I may find the benefits of “selling out” growing in appeal.

Missed you.

2006-08-25T15:33:00.000-05:00

Well, there’s my girl, Weekend. You little minx you, oh how I’ve missed you all week, settling for your ugly ass sisters including that busted whore Monday.

But now, here you are, just waiting for me in that sexy little negligee, martini for me in hand and ready to do whatever I need to forget all my worries. You’re a real dream come true, doll.

Okay, think someone’s a little too ready for the weekend, eh?

P.S.

My fav searches that landed someone onto my blog, include:
"He’s banging my wife"

"Jacuzzi party"

"Soledad pantyhose" (you again?!)

Happy weekend!

My first big online “win”

2006-08-24T08:36:00.000-05:00

As my loyal readers know, I have become more serious about poker over the past year. This seriousness means I play a few cash games around town and then in a local pub league a couple games a week. I have done pretty well there, once winning two in a row (7:00 and 10:00 games).

A recent computer upgrade has led me to venture into online poker at Fulltiltpoker.com. I’ve been playing a couple times a week. I started in cash games and was lucky to break even. Then I started playing in larger tournaments with small buy-ins ($5, 10) and sit-in-gos (smaller tournaments).

Last night, I bought into a tournament for $10 with about 700 other people. After several hours of pretty conservative play, I started getting the cards I wanted and finally got a feel for online tournament play. I had one of the larger chip stacks for a couple more hours. There were two players that became my “friends.” Nice people who kind knew what hands I played (generally) and were chatty. That made the hours of playing a little more engaging.

Finally, it got to about 20 players, mostly around the same chip stack size. A few more go out, double up, etc. I see some nice hands and keep my big stack. I lose a pretty big chunk of it, battle on, etc.

Final table rolls around and I’ve made it. While originally I had just been hoping to get my money back (place top 60 of 700) I was really happy to make the final table (9 player total). After lots of folds, I get a couple good hands, a couple players go out and I’m still in it. Finally it comes down to six players, three of us are all about the same chip stack size. The other two happen to be the players who have been my “buddies” all along. Several plays go along and one of them busts out. I can see that my goal is 3rd. If I can just beat this other guy, I’ll consider it a win as the other two have us out stacked 8-1. Finally, he goes out, and I can relax in 3rd. I battle back a little and then lady luck stops and I’m out.

My third online tournament is over, it’s 2:30 a.m. and I just turned $10 into $780. No complaints from me.

CircleV Note: I won’t regale you with every top three finisher story, I swear. Just wanted to let you know about my first one :)

Rivalries that aren’t

2006-08-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

Today, I am reminded of a story.
A friend of mine started talking to a couple of us about how our college (small, liberal arts, Midwest, Jesuit) was a HUGE sports rivalry to his college (small, liberal arts, Midwest, Benedictine). I was kind of shocked to hear this because not only had I barely heard of his school (though it is a good one), I was positive that my college acknowledged no such rivalry. We teased him about it and that was that.

Then, I met some people from St. Louis who loved to talk about the rivalry between St. Louis and Kansas City. Being a loyal KC girl, I laughed as we do not acknowledge such a rivalry because St. Louis is an effing dump that isn’t fit to wipe KC’s ass.

Of course, the great example of the rivalry that isn’t is New York City vs. Boston. I find it hilarious that Bostonians think the city is even in the running as a rival place to New York. I mean the ratio of cool bars, museums, entertainment and culture in general is just too overwhelming to even compare. And, though I am a Red Sox fan, come on, you think the Yankees are really feeling that rivalry, really?

I am quite sure there are many, many other examples outside of sports and cities. And, it’s almost cute when people try to claim some sort of a rivalry when it’s clear such feelings are very, very one-sided.

Circle V's tips for her fellas part II, deux

2006-08-22T09:46:00.000-05:00

Today, we continue our discussion of successful dating/girlfriend relationships. As you may remember:

Part I. The psychology of a woman (from pick up to hook up)
Part Duex: The fuckin friendship (from dating to girlfriend)
Part II, deux: Broads--what you're really dealing with (from 1-2 years)
Part III: She’s It or She’s It?! (from 2 years to “I do”)

Okay boys, you still with me on this dating advice? As I mentioned last time, you need to build a friendship with fuckin to have a successful relationship. This will create super neato things like trust, honesty and emotional growth. So let's assume you've got that down, moving on--

When it’s good, it’s very, very good:

So you are really digging this girl, you are getting to know her hang-ups, starting to understand how her mother fucked her up (cause they all do) and other quarks, now you’re wondering what you’re really in for. You are zooming into the one-year plus period, you openly say “I love you,” your friends like her, you like her friends (generally) and everything is so great.

This is a tenuous point in a relationship for several reasons.

First, you are setting a course for how your entire relationship will evolve (no pressure!). This means that if when she gets naggy, you yell about something else, and she storms off and bottles it up to be revisited to you later, etc, you are setting that pattern for the future. Essentially, it means that the more bad behaviors and times you tell yourself “you can handle it” and ignore how you really feel, the worse for the relationship.

When I used to sling booze, my douche bag manager would say “Set yourself up for success.” This annoying phrase has stuck with because it implies a lot of personal responsibility. You need to set this relationship up for success. You need to be honest, open and aware of how both of you are acting. You are in the danger zone, it may feel like heaven, but the fact is heaven wears off and if you haven’t been true to yourself, you’re going to wake up with a busted ass angel that you resent.

The best way to keep yourself from effing up the course of your relationship is simple: Talk it out. New serious relationships are a lot like a getting a puppy. Everything is so cute and you want to spend every second with this puppy that you love…then you get sick of the pee puddles and the chewing on your toes and you start to wonder if your neighbor’s puppy does that same thing and maybe you’ve got the wrong puppy and then you start to hate the puppy. But, it’s really your fault because you let that puppy do all that shit because you thought it was cute AT THE TIME. So to keep yourself from hating the puppy, you’re going to need to communicate. A lot. Because if you don’t train that puppy to understand your boundaries and what you want, she’s going to piss all over your shoes time and time again and eventually, you’ll just be with the puppy for the sex. Wait. Moving on from the puppy analogy.

The really great thing about your communicating regularly is that she will trust you more and if a girl trusts you then that’s half the battle. Much of the petty shit that women play comes from a deep fear that they’re going to get hurt, which only happens when they don’t trust you. And, that’s where you get all the passive aggressive behavior and crazy bitch antics that make you want to bounce.

My final point in the "going right" section is that you are aware of the natural twists and turns of the relationship as it settles in for the long haul. You may spend less or more time together, she may pull away a little or you may as well. She may want to take a little time or you might. All of these things are okay in a serious, loving relationship as long as both of have worked on building trust and open communication. Being in a year plus relationship is a big commitment for almost anyone. Depending on the person’s level of relationship experience and maturity level, one or both of you may just need a little time to get adjusted or even figure out that it’s not quite working as is for you. This is NORMAL. Don’t fight these natural bumps more than is absolutely necessary because they are indicative of something that needs a little work--it may not be as bad as you think.

But when it’s bad, it’s horrid:

Admitting when it’s not right. As you start reaching that year plus point in the relationship, things are either going to go really good or really bad. Now you will be in many habits at this point, which may lead you to want to ignore the reality of the relationship. And, this is where mistakes can really happen.

There is this thing in lesbian couples called Lesbian bed death, which found that lesbian relationships are more likely to become less passionate over time. I want you to remember this because it’s also a good sign in general that something is not right in the relationship. If you’d rather rub one out or you have to get her drunk to get freaky, than you’ve got serious problems. The passion is draining out of your relationship and it’s not just sex, trust me. Lack of sex means at the least that you and your partner aren’t talking about what feels good or at worst, it means she’s fooling around on you and doesn’t love you enough to be honest with you about it.

Another important thing for you, my fellas, to remember is the proverbial shit or get off the pot. I have recently seen an increase in men telling women they love them, hanging out for many months, then suddenly realizing the girl “isn’t the one.” While this increases the statistical likelihood of burning some dudes car, it also mean that these guys finally found the cojones to be honest to my girlfriends. In most of these cases, I think they were lying to themselves and my girls about their feelings because it seemed like “the right thing to say” IF they actually felt how they should be feeling. Listen guys, you might love the girl, but not LOVE the girl. And, that’s okay, just spare you both the wasted time and tell her you just don’t want her anymore. Then, watch your back.

Final thoughts:

Serious emotional commitment can stir up all kinds of freaky shit in a person’s psyche. The most common I think for women is trust and for men it’s commitment. There are many others in various combinations. The truth is it is never going to be perfect, and many times not very easy. We are by design selfish, stubborn, and often, self-righteous creatures, and none of those qualities have any place in a successful relationship.

Circle V Notes: When it rains, it pours so be sure to check out today's advice from me and K on First Date DC.

And, thanks to Anon for that kick in the ass to get this post finished up :)

Rotting My Brain?

2006-08-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

As Woody Allen says, “Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.” But what does good TV imitate? For you book-reading snobs out there, I think that television has become the busy man’s short story. And, when you look at how far television has come, and in particular, channels like HBO and FX, there is a lot in which we can be intellectually interested.

Recently, I have been thinking about what draws people to regularly watch and love a television show? I think for me, it has to do with the characters. In fact, I don’t mind a slow plot if the characters are written in such a way that just watching how they react to simple things is interesting. I would also contend that within the past five to ten years or so, there have been some of the greatest characters ever written for television. To name a few, Tony and Carmella Soprano from The Sopranos, Al Swearengen from Deadwood, Vic Mackey from The Shield, anyone from Arrested Development, and Christian from Nip/Tuck are all powerful and incredibly interesting characters.

One show that I loved on HBO was called Carnivale. And, if you didn't watch it, it was a sort of magical realism mixed with carnies. Anyway, I signed up to be on the yahoo group for the show so I could read how people were interpreting the plot twists and whatnot. The show has been canceled for more than a year, and I still get no less than 10-15 group emails a day about various aspects of the show, which only ran for two seasons. Such a devotion to a television show is just amazing to me.

It's also interesting how very sad people are when a show ends. Many of us are emotionally preparing for the last few episodes of the Sopranos or perhaps are still a little sad that West Wing is no more (unless that’s just me). And while it may be silly to care that much about a television show, the fact is that we do. And, it seems like a lot of it is us caring about these characters on TV have elements of “us” in them or how we imagine we might be in that particular setting or situation. I’m not sure if television can quite be counted as high culture just yet, but I would say there are certainly glimpses of it.

Restaurant Week: It happened again

2006-08-17T09:24:00.000-05:00

My Restaurant Week date and I have developed a theory about this special time of year for diners, while the appetizer and dessert are fantastic--9 times outta 10--the main course will be "meh" to "gross." This has happened to us at some of the best restaurants in the city during RW. To be honest, I had almost given up on the whole thing after a terrible main course at 1789 (great apps and dessert though).

So we went to the new Agraria Restaurant on Washington Harbor / G-town last night. The restaurant prides itself on fresh, locally grown meat and produce a la "from our fields to your table." A friend of mine had her birthday there, and she said it was one of the best steaks she had ever had so we planned accordingly.

The restaurant itself is very nice to look at, and we sat outside in front of the fountains. It’s great for people watching as we see G-town sluts and tourist groups stumbling out of Tony and Joe’s and the other waterfront bars.

Food. So the steak wasn’t on the RW menu so I decided to abandoned ship and get it anyway. I had been thinking about red wine and steak all day, I was pretty sure the pasta dish would not be slaking such a craving. My date’s RW menu order was the shrimp, pork chop and chocolate cake for dessert. Pretty safe, you’d think, as all of those items are simple enough. And, you’ll never guess what—the shrimp and chocolate dish were quite tasty, but that had to be the driest pork chop ever served. And my steak was very good—but it wasn’t on the RW menu.

Ah, Restaurant Week strikes again.

Dupont and a related party reminder

2006-08-16T11:37:00.000-05:00

I love this WaPo summer and winter shot of Cosi, Best Cellars, a jewelry store, the Scientologists and an apartment building that I bet has some really effing cool people living in it. Click here to see it in panorama (oooo).

Anyway, this was brought to my attention because of a lovely little mention by Mike Grass leader of the pack over there at the Express Blog Free Ride. The Wa Po article featured w/ my post is really worth checking out (as well as the other related articles on Dupont living) and if you loves the Dupont like I loves the Dupont, it's an interesting read.

Which reminds me, if you didn’t see it, tonight is the Post Express 3rd Anniversary party, so if you are a loyal Express reader or were just thinking about getting sauced in Adams Morgan tonight—go to the Reef and say howdy to the gang (And, you get 10 percent off if you have a Dupont / AM zip code--ah, it all comes together).

A thousand words

2006-08-16T08:52:00.000-05:00

This picture pleases me. Let's be honest, boob lovers out there, if you were a prince, you'd do the same, too. And, ladies, if a prince groped you and your large boobs that your papa paid a pretty penny for, you'd be happy, too.

Let's look at all the things that please me about this picture, feel free to add your own:

1. That little pot smoking Prince Harry is continuing to let the good times roll.

2. His more uptight HOT brother is also rolling. God, look at that effed up face on England's future King. Priceless.

3. The crucifix necklace on Tits McGee a.k.a Natalie. I mean when her protestant lord and savior died on the cross, you know deep down he was hoping this image will be ever so gently worn betwixt women's bosoms at hot London Clubs as they were getting groped by princes.

4. According to The Sun, which broke the “story,” ol’ Tits McGee has been a "close pal for years. The politics graduate has dated England cricketer Kevin Pietersen and England rugby star Matt Dawson." With friends like these, who needs hookers, eh.

5. One onlooker described the "incident": “She [Tits McGee] was very shocked but didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. I don’t suppose it’s every day an heir to the throne feels you up.” No shit, this rugby star banging horse face with the great rack doesn’t mind getting national exposure…huh, I mean she sure seems upset in the picture, right?

Love those Royals, "They're Just Like Us!"

Putting the Rock it in Rocket

2006-08-15T08:33:00.000-05:00

It was probably the Gods punishing me for having both a burger and chilli cheese fries for dinner, but I was completely weirded out when I went to Johnny Rockets yesterday.

First, it’s a little strange that it’s now in Dupont (1718 Connecticut) nestled between that restaurant with the lobster deal and the Pleasure Place. Second, why can't I get a good non-chain burger in Dupont? I have to go to Chinatown to Matchbox or Five Guys, but yesterday, I was really in the mood for a cow sandwich so I caved and went to Johnny Rockets.

If you haven’t been to one, it’s your typical diner setting and standard diner food. And, as I was waiting at the counter for my to-go order and trying to have a conversation with Maime on the phone, they cranked the music. I said goodbye to her and watched puzzled as all the servers got this strange look on their faces, it was a mix of bravado and trepidation. Then, the large sweaty man, skinny girl and awkward white kid filed out to center of the place. The manager with a shit eating grin on this face cranked the music louder. And then, the servers walked to the middle of the crowded restaurant and began to dance.

While I was raised on oldies, I’ll be honest, I was so distracted by the guy who took my order flailing his hands in the air that I don’t remember what the song was. Many of the other customers looked as uncomfortable as I did. However several (with conspicuous fanny packs and I heart DC shirts) started clapping along as our servers sweated though several turns and jazz hand poses. I wanted to scream: Stop clapping you monsters, they’ll think we like it! But then people took out their cameras and started taking pictures of these poor minimum wage workers who not only have to sweat through shitty tips from tourists, but they also have to dance for their paycheck! On the half hour, apparently, according to the Johnny Rockets Web site. It was too much for me to handle. I doubt I can ever return.

Guess you gotta have a gimmick. Feel free to download some of their itunes or check out this map of music facts.

Today's Dream Job

2006-08-14T10:36:00.000-05:00

In my apartment building, we have this nice system where if you have a good magazine that you are finished with, you leave it on a bench in the main lobby. Some darling has been leaving copies of Interview magazine lately, and I just love it. If you haven’t read it, it a lovely magazine filled with great interviews and photos of famous artists (actors, musicians, artists, etc).

After reading several issues on Sunday, I was thinking maybe I should drop everything and move to New York and start working for Interview. Just imagine me interviewing Johnny Depp poolside as we discuss his life, his dream, his failures, the statistical likelihood that he’d hook up with someone who works at Interview magazine, etc. Of course, most of the “interviewers” are famous people so it probably wouldn’t be the dream job I imagine.

However, this leads me to my point: I have this pretty annoying habit of always thinking that some job I read about or maybe see in a movie is something I’d like to do. For example, I don’t let my self watch Dangerous Minds anymore because it’s all I can do to not book it over to an inner city high school to teach English. I also started painting after I saw Pollock, took up Chess after Searching for Bobby Fischer, poker after watching Rounders and extensively researched “spy jobs” after watching the Bourne Supremacy for the 100th time. And, those are some of the more normal examples, I won’t start on any of the weird ones.

While I think this may be a little more serious than your typical “grass is always greener” problem, my penchant for the dream job also speaks to this point in my life (and most early-career types) when I am making the BIG choices and commitments in my career and where I am going.

The fact is that internships going nowhere or jobs we don’t care about can't cut it anymore because with each day that passes, we are getting more entangled in our choices. So here's to hoping today's dream job won't be tomorrow's mistake.

Bring the Hoff

2006-08-14T10:22:00.000-05:00

Sure, loving the Hoff is about as original as loving Chuck Norris these days, but I still thought you might enjoy a little Hoff to spice up your Monday. And, if you haven't checked out the fun teen romp movie Eurotrip, it includes one of the best Hoff appearences, ever.

So, here is the the man himself with a cover of the 1975 classic "Jump In My Car." It was recorded in Sydney last year with Harry Vanda (AC/DC, The Angels) and has lots of "Hoff gusto."

Yeah, you're welcome.

"No One Cares About Your Blog"

2006-08-09T12:33:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Sally for this picture from the blogger Happy Hour!

I got the shirt from the mall in Joplin, Missouri. I believe the fact that I'm actually buying clothes for blogger events elevates me to a new level of dorkdom.

Of course, the coolest blog related shirt now belongs to Kathryn (and check out her recap)--but you'll have to ask her and VK about that.

Hey, drunk girl, where you at?!

2006-08-08T11:15:00.000-05:00

Hey strangers! I bet you are just dying, dying to know how the happy hour went, eh? Aside from the usual excessive drinking, we also did some excessive smoking and excessive dancing. I did not bring my camera, so I'll have to ask DC Bach's "staff" to assist in that respect as I know there are a couple incriminating photos.

You may also be happy to know I stole the fine VK's sunglasses, and I doubt my boy will ever see them again (unless I'm wearin them).

I would also like to thank Bill for his blogger gifts and apologize to anyone who had to hear my description of why smoking a hookah was so fun ("It's like so rich, and full and like flavorful, but smooth and thick, you know, ohhh I just love it--no you HAVE TO try it").

Work is busy as of late so I need to start working on some shit in the evenings.

Posts to come include:
Why my okie conservative mother sounds like a liberal
Why you need to see Talladega Nights (it'll make you hard like a diamond in an ice storm)
Why I love table dancing
Why I saw no less than a dozen women topless on Saturday night but was not at a strip club
Why I hope the WPT loses
A group brainstorming session on how I will can never have to "work" again

Thanks for being patient, love you like lovers--

You in? Blogger HH and a Birthday

2006-08-04T09:02:00.000-05:00

Back in April 05, I started blogging because I love to write and enjoyed reading the few DC blogs at the time (like Washington Socialites, DC Bach, etc). I thought the DC blog "scene" back then was quite entertaining, and I had some free time at work so I started posting about my goings on.

I certainly never expected to keep it up this long, get my friends involved and certainly never to have as many regular readers (props to you, bitches) as I have every single day. And, while all of these things are great, I'd say the most pleasant surprise has been the many great people I've met and real friends (not just Internet or attention whore) I've made from this whole experience.

And, one of those friends happens to be celebrating her birthday this weekend (first champagne mojito will be on me, my dear).

And, you better make damn sure you're at the Kathryn and DC Cookie hosted blogger-licious happy hour this evening at Gazuza!

Win with Jesus and Cigarette Policy

2006-08-03T13:07:00.000-05:00

It should be no surprise to you who I'm hoping will win this year's WSOP main event (worth about 12 million dollars to first prize).

And, as AP reported just a few hours ago, my pick is looking good:

Chris "Jesus" Ferguson put his tournament on the line twice Tuesday, both times catching helpful cards at the World Series of Poker and turning a below-average stack into more than enough chips to remain a contender in the main event.

Ferguson had about 84,000 chips.

"I've been all-in with the worst hand and won both times," said Ferguson, who won the WSOP main event in 2000. "I'm willing to get my money in on a coin flip."

Both times, Ferguson acknowledged, his odds were worse than 50-50.

After about three hours of play on the fifth day of the world's largest tournament, 1,085 of the 1,637 who played Tuesday remained in the hunt for a top prize of more than $11.5 million.

In other poker news, Slate had a nice piece about online poker restrictions and why we need to find some middle ground to solve all this gambling hypocrisy. The author recommends the cigarette approach:
There is, however, a path between libertarianism and prohibition—the mildly paternalistic approach that nearly all Western countries now take toward cigarettes. This model says that gambling shouldn't be prohibited, but that it must be regulated—both to protect gamblers from themselves and to protect nongamblers from the externalities of gambling. Following this model, gambling would be basically legal. But state and local authorities would decide where it could and could not take place. They would make sure it isn't crooked, the way the Nevada Gaming Commission does. And they'd tax the beejezus out of it—both to discourage an activity we don't want a great deal more of in our society and to raise painless revenue from what is already approaching a $100 billion-per-year business.

Quote me

2006-08-02T11:23:00.000-05:00

I have nothing to offer today but a quote:

"I like the idea of making films about ostensibly absolutely nothing. I like the irrelevant, the tangential, the sidebar excursion to nowhere that suddenly becomes revelatory. That's what all my movies are about. That and the idea that we're in possession of certainty, truth, infallible knowledge, when actually we're just a bunch of apes running around. My films are about people who think they're connected to something, although they're really not." - Jean-Luc Godard

When we insulate OR It's Not A River In Egypt

2006-08-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

I directed my first play when I was in the fifth grade. The other director who was helping me explained something about directing, he said, “Everything that you do as a director or actor is based on choice. And, you are able to choose from whatever abilities and gifts that you have been given and skills you have developed and experiences you have learned from and taken with you. Hopefully, you will make choices that move and affect people who are watching your work.”

Subsequently, the idea of choice has always been an interesting one to me. I try to be a student of human behavior. And, what fascinates me time and time again (and something I've been thinking a lot about lately) is how well we are at lying to ourselves and escaping to a place where we create reality.

Escapism allows us to indulge ourselves more than we should. In a lesser form, I would put off a project at work, uncomfortable conversation with a friend or paper in college. But escapism can also be very dangerous in our relationships. We cling to little ideas or hopes and miss the larger picture. We make ourselves believe that something is what it isn’t or isn’t what it really is.

I have seen people close to me go through this dance time and time again. They tell themselves what they had was more than it really was. They ignored the reality of the relationship, of how that person was acting or what things would be like if they continued on the present course. And, despite the fact that the truth of it had always been there, they are able to insulate themselves so deep that it feels like a total shock when suddenly the reality forces itself on them.

And, partly it hurts because something you love is irreparably broken, but it’s also because you’ve known for a long time and only now can admit it.

Circle V Note: Per usual with my little blog, this has nothing to do with me, my friendships or any particular relationship, I've just been seeing this more and more lately and thought I'd finally post about it.

On being clean

2006-07-31T10:37:00.000-05:00

First, I'm dishing out advice with Kathryn again on First Date DC so be sure to check it out.

In other news, I am the most organized I've ever been in my entire life. Yeah, I'm not kidding. This past weekend as I nursed a summer cold, I cleaned my apartment, which led to donating four bags of clothes (some of them from when I was a freshman in high school) and doing all, ALL my laundry. And, while this wasn't exactly my ideal "wild weekend," it does feel nice to have my shit together.

Not to get to pedestrian on you, but I often wonder what it is that makes people like me as messy as we are. I justify it by saying that I only have so much time in a day, and I'd rather not spend any of it cleaning, ever. I am always amazed at people who enjoy cleaning and being organized. In fact, I actually pay someone to come clean my apartment every two weeks. Most of her time is spent hanging up my clothes, if that gives you an indication of how little I pick up.

And, while I have a really nice "my life is together" feeling, I am skeptical that it will really change my behavior that much.

Can you catch the herp on Myspace?

2006-07-28T12:12:00.000-05:00

Some anonymous angel sent me the link to Lindsay Lohan’s myspace page. It’s not like other celeb's pages as she doesn't use it to promote her projects or music, it’s just a place for her friends. In fact, her name isn't even on it, and she only has a couple pictures like the one on the right with John C. Reilly and I think that lady from Sideways.

Here are a couple things from L-Lo's myspace page:

Her quote is "your mom uses proactiv"

Her About me: "6 letters, google."

She has a pro-Israel flag posted

I also liked what her friend Barr said on her comments section:

7/26/2006 6:18 AM
Loved seeing you tonite babe! I wanted to give you a hug but didn't want to interrupt your conversations. You did amazingly on "Forget About Dre" with Nic, Carlos and Sam. Hope you had fun and hopefully we can chat next week and maybe snap a few photos [I suck for forgetting my camera] XOXO. La la la looo-- whoo are you (caterpillar voice from Alice in Wonderland).

Yeah. I know. How much would you pay to see L-Lo singing “Forget About Dre?” Can you really put a price on that?

She also responded to her friend Barr, apparently, she still likes the word “cunt”

7/26/2006 6:08 PM
im fine..it's this fucking heat! im feeling a lot better though. but filming again tomorrow morning (cunts) jessie and mike are coming to visit me tomorrow, were going to flip la upside down, come with?

xx

In other Internet news, these have been some of the searches that brought people to my blog:

"mario lopez flopping" (What's flopping of Mario's?)

"hey sexy, what's up?" (Why would someone google this?)

"Oklahoma Sluts" (via Wichita, Kansas) Dear sweet jesus, if you already ran through all the skanks in Wichita then finding sluts in Oklahoma should be the least of your worries.

"Sweaty boobs" (Number 3 on Google!!)

"busty blogspot html"

"fuckin eh i got a rash man" (via Canada, of course, eh!)

So have a great weekend everyone, I am currently working on a new HOT design for Circle V so bate that breath, baby!

Stars Are Blind and full of the herp

2006-07-27T14:23:00.000-05:00

Steve and I watched Paris Hilton’s new music video this morning for “Stars Are Blind.” Neither of us had heard her single or seen the video. Once we stoped laughing, we discussed both.

How does it sound: Think Early Gwen, but with a two-note range and “Tide is High” by Blondie beat.

How's the video? Worse than I thought it would be. In classic black and white, Paris Hilton sings her way through a photo shoot on a Malibu beach, cock teases a photographer for four minutes, and then steals his car. Seriously.

P.S. I want to punch the director Chris Applebaum in the face. He's to blame for Rihanna’s “SOS,” Hilary Duff’s "Fly" and that Carl’s Junior ad w/ Paris. He did, however, also do two pretty okay videos Fountains of Wayne’s Stacey’s Mom and Kelly Osborn’s “One Word.”

The lyrics are below, she's, like, totally complicated and so is her music:

"Stars Are Blind"

I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you

Baby I'm perfect for you

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

The Parable of Lindsay Lohan

2006-07-26T13:23:00.000-05:00

I sometimes wonder how much I would really like being friends with celebrities. I actually have a friend who is close to a couple movie stars, and he appears to mostly get annoyed as they get more famous.

And, while I still would shank my own mother to be BFF with Jay-Z, I think L-Lo is officially off my list after this little show.

To your right, you will see Entourage darling Jeremy Piven with a (ahem) "Please suck my cock it's my birthday" grin as he is squeezed by the one and only Lindsay Lohan. It is indeed his 41st birthday party where L-Lo showed up (apparently) with a trunk of binkis and related outfits. Cause, you know, it's her party, too!!! She then proceeded to model them in the hallway because there really aren't enough people taking pictures of her.

Here is what L-Lo wears to the actual birthday party. I think the theme was strippers with implants that really should have been done better. (Side boob!)

Here she is with the satin "dress" off to reveal a sparkle bikini, this says stripper with heart of gold, eh.

And, then magically another bikini appears for her to model in Jeremy Piven's hallway...ah, peach and ruffles with a too cool aviator edge really works with the bathroom door background.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be friends with her. Of course, I'd have to kiss her ass. And tell her how thin she is even though it's painfully obvious she's a lollipop head or tanorexic or whatever they call it these days. "No, no, Lyns, you're not fat, everyone has that in their ear lobes. No, I don't think crunches would help."

And, going out with her would be terrible. First, she'd have some flavor of the minute doosh bag with her, and they be all wink, wink, slerp, slerp and you'd have to take lots of pictures and make them feel sooo special even though you were pretty sure they were saying shit about you and your friends. And, as if that's not enough, I can't imagine she's a very good friend. She's constantly in a feud with some other stupid starlett and goes through friends as fast as she does suitors.

And, it sucks because I really like the idea of L-Lo. She was so cute at first, I loved her look, and I loved that she seemed to just be having a good time (Mean Girls was great). But the second she started getting noticed, it all went to shit.

And, it kind of makes me sad for her as I think deep down she does want to be more than just some idiot celebrity. Like how she was falling all over herself to show the world that Meryl Streep was her BFF. She even mentioned it in her monologue on SNL...Yeah, we got it Lins, Meryl thinks you're soooo good at acting.

I have always had this fear that I would not have the kind of people around me to tell me if I was acting awful. The whole "Yes man" thing just scares the hell out of me. L-Lo's situation, the burning through friends, the trying to come across as the totally cool party girl and having what appears to be a delusional sense of self, reminds me how important good friends really are.

Placing your self worth on things like who you are fucking, who you think you know, who you partied with, where you partied or why any of those things makes you better than other people is a dangerous road...one that, apparently, leads to anorexia, coke and pill addictions as well as what I would imagine to be a very lonely life.

And, while I hope I never act like I'm cooler or better than anyone else, I take comfort in the fact that I have people around me who would gladly tell me to get over myself and get it together. So buy your true friends a drink because sometimes not even movie stars are so lucky.

Guest Blogger Floyd Masterson: A DC Virgin pops his cherry

2006-07-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

V Note: Last weekend, Jack Serpentine and I entertained our friend and Kansas native Floyd Masterson. Here is day one:

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After several days of recuperation, I've undertaken the incredibly taxing task of recounting the events that occurred during the days of July 13-17, which I spent in Washington, D.C. Here is, to the best of my alchohol-addled recollection, what transpired.

Day 1: A DC Virgin pops his cherry, Cowboy Boots, A Rebel Yell, Strawberry Clouds

My flight left Kansas City in the early evening. I'd managed to pack everything I'd need into one carry-on bag: several changes of clothes, a Vonnegut novel, a digital camera with a fresh set of batteries, four packs of Marlboro cigarettes. An elderly foreign woman sat next to me on the crowded flight. We never spoke.

Two hours later, we were landing in Washington. I managed to catch a fleeting glimpse of the Capitol building and the Washington Monument out my window. Here I was, in the American tribute to Rome, the Capitol of all things mighty and rich. Here we go.

I met Serpentine outside my terminal. He was dressed smartly in a black suit with the obligatory red power tie. He spread his arms as I approached.

"Welcome to our nation's capitol," he said with smirk.

"Looking sharp..."

"We had a meeting on the Hill with the veterans committee," he replied. "By the end, there was only one Senator left."

"Why do our elected officials hate the troops?"

He took me up the escalator to the train. I was itching for a lighter, which I'd turned over to security before boarding in Kansas City. Our train arrived before I could find a fellow smoker, and we found seats near the door.

Serpentine and I discussed the issues of the day, lamenting the rapidly escalating conflict between Israel and Lebanon, the shoddy treatment of our combat veterans, the overall sorry state of our nation. I felt like a Washingtonian already.

I noticed a few glares from a guy sitting across the aisle. He had short blonde hair, young face, blue button-up with a white collar, dark slacks...and cowboy boots. Fucking cowboy boots. I was quickly reminded that this town was run by Texans. I felt like stirring the pot.

"If these ass clowns in Congress gave a shit about the veterans, they wouldn't be cutting their goddam benefits while making them veterans in the first place," I said loudly, hoping for some reaction from the booted young buck. I was disappointed. As I'd soon learn from more time spent in the swamp, nobody around here really gave a fuck what you were talking about. People minded their own business. Good for them. It was refreshing, honestly.

We made one change, and got off at the Dupont Circle exit. I quickly learned that the right side of the escalator is for riders, the left side is for climbers. I think there may be some kind of half-assed metaphor there, but I'll let it pass. I've still got a lot left to write, and my bottle's not getting emptier by the minute.

Serpentine and V have regaled me with stories about the beauty of the Dupont area, and I wasn't disappointed. Coffee shops, art and record stores, patios with small gardens, decorative fences. Despite the horrifying rent, it seemed like a great place to call home. While Serpentine was guiding me to their place, V had run to the liquor store to pick up a handle of the much-hyped Rebel Yell bourbon whiskey.

Soon V's friend Kat came over, we ate some delicious pizza (Alberto's? Whatever it was, it was a tremendous value - about $4 for a huge slice), allowed a short rest for digestion, then dipped into the booze.

Despite my protests, V and Serpentine persuaded me to don a pair of jeans (from March through October I refuse to wear long pants), and we began our march to the bars.

I can't remember the name of the first bar we went to (V NOTE: Local 16). It was a classy enough place, with a sparsely furnished upstairs area, and a plush bar downstairs next to which we found four chairs near the corner. Small talk ensued; I quickly downed two double whiskey and cokes.

Kat lamented her unfortunate nickname of "Fat Kat" despite her petite stature; apparently another girl named Kat was anorexic and was thusly labeled "Skinny Kat". I reassured Kat that she wasn't fat, and in fact Fat Kat was an enviable nickname, and I that wished my nickname was FatCat. "How you livin', FatCat?" Serpentine yelled. "Livin' large, Jack, you know that!" I bellowed in reply. See, it'd be a cool nickname. Especially if, like Kat, you weren't really fat.

Kat soon left to be replaced by KassyK, whose blog name I recognized from comments made on this website. Naturally, it didn't take long for the discussion to turn towards the merits of astrology. Serpentine quickly made the poignant statement: "Astrology is great, except that the stars don't determine your personality." The conversation deteriorated from there.

After three double whiskey-and-cokes, I recieved my tab. "Holy Christ!" I exclaimed as my eyes laid sight to the ungodly fee. $36 for three drinks? What sort of depraved hellhole had I descended into where your common barkeep charges a drinking man $40 for a slight buzz? Much thanks to V for picking up the charges, which I fear I have yet to fully repay.

After gathering my wits from the unholy shock of Washington drinking costs, V, Serpentine, and KassyK set out in search of another drinking hole. After a short walk, we found a corner bar with an Indian motif that seemed suitable for the occasion. We settled in to the unnaturally low couch next to an equally depressed table, ready to resume our respites.

Serpentine ordered our table a hookah filled with the finest strawberry tobacco as well as a round of drinks. KassyK, being the unbelievably classy chick that I'd expected to meet in D.C., offered up some quality pharmaceuticals that induced qualities of relaxation from their imbibers. Of course, I quickly obliged, and tossed two of the diamond pills into my mouth. V indulged as well, and soon was so relaxed that she fell asleep in her seat as we muttered nonsense to each other through clouds of strawberry smoke. (For anybody of substance and responsibility reading this, the pills consumed were completely legal, and were taken from KassyK without her consent. In fact, I stole them and forced V to take one. And nobody likes a narc.)

Regrettably, KassyK was unable to join us for the rest of weekend, as she had prior commitments in a foreign city. We said our good-byes, and trekked home. I was supplied a pillow, blanket, sofa (about six inches short to fit my 6'4 frame), and the remote control to fab digital cable, which I fumbled with for several minutes until passing out. V and Serpentine had to work the next morning, and I had full slate ahead as well. Tomorrow I would tour the Mall.

Tough love, bitches.

2006-07-24T14:29:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's a busy day so all you get are links. But tomorrow will be exciting with the first of several posts from our Kansas darling Floyd Masterson on his recent trip to DC.

First, check out my try at the advice business on First Date DC. I feel like I filled in pretty well for DC Bachelor as it just took a couple comments before I got one hater . Makes...me...so...proud (sniff).

Next, as you may know I an a whore for HBO, and last night I was so excited to see the pool area at LA's Standard Hotel (downtown) in a couple scenes as it was my hotel of choice last summer. Check out me giving you a toast from the pool here.

And, yes, I did have a fun weekend. Went to two new spots (for me) including Steve's Room and Fly, and I am now a fan of both. Got into some trouble with Mr. VK and Kassy including a little dirty dancing in the VIP.

Guest Blogger Jake Barnes: 7 Rules of Being a Yankees Fan

2006-07-21T08:49:00.000-05:00

Circle V Note: While I've got all these Wonkette hipsters here, I thought it would be fun to post this little tribute to the Yankees (note: I am a Nationals/ Royals/ Red Sox fan so don't send me your hate)

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Guest Blogger Jake Barnes:

So when I moved to New York, I was going to be a Mets fan. You know, I'm a small town kid and lifelong Royals fan. The Mets are harmless enough--Shea Stadium sucks, the team usually sucks, and Mr. Met is the lamest mascot ever created. Then I went to Yankee Stadium.

Everything changed.

I initially was going to write about why I decided to love the Yankees, but honestly--it's a pretty boring and straight-forward explanation. Like America, the Yankees are winners. Sure they're inefficient, outrageously arrogant, mean, and close-minded (how many Yankees fans even heard of Johnny Damon when he was a Royal?). But, like America (Iraq is like the Yankees, circa 1980s) they win and they've been winning for 90 years.

So instead of boring you with all the obvious reasons I'm a Yankees fan--I'm instead going to provide you with a rulebook on how to love the Yankees. Being a Yankees fan requires a different set of skills than being a fan of most teams.

RULE #1 LOYALTY IS NOT AN ISSUE
Loyalty is never really an issue because the Yankees are always good and besides, are you really ever going to root for some big square state team, or worse, the Mets? So loyalty is the default. Unlike teams that lose occasionally (of often like my beloved Royals) you are never asked, "are you sticking with them." Of course, this issue would never come up because of Rule #2

RULE #2 NEVER STOP TALKING YANKEES
True Yankee fans are constantly thinking about the current Yankee situation. Now, unlike college sports or any team with any sort of long-term vision, this does not mean you care at all about the minor league Yankees. Only "big-league" players matter. When is Shef coming back?
What is wrong with Randy? What "big league" players are we trading for?

Also, constantly wear Yankee attire. If at work, maybe have a Don Mattingly poster on the wall, or a wear a Yankee tie. Hat is standard of course--nothing weird, just the black hat--Yankees have tradition you know.

RULE #3 NEVER, EVER BE SATISFIED WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A RING
Yankees don't care about making the playoffs, or the world series. Yankees care about winning the ring and will do anything to accomplish their goal.

Now this does not mean you get excited when you win. Indeed, you should merely appear slightly less tortured and nervous when you win the world series. Remember, championship is the baseline--you need to win just to back to normal. Anything less, be totally pissed.

RULE #4 SHOW NO LOYALTY TO INDIVIDUAL PLAYERS
We trade a player, a player gets injured and the Boss throws him out of the stadium--screw 'em. They aren't Yankees anymore. No loyalty when they come back to the stadium as members of a lesser team. On the flip side--hold no grudges. Johnny Damon's a Red Sock and he agrees to be a Yankee for a mere 4 million more dollars--he's a true Yankee.

RULE #5 YOU MUST LOVE "PROVEN" PLAYERS
Experienced major leaguers only please. We are not the Florida Marlins. We do not "develop" talent. We buy it.

RULE #6 LOVE "TRUE YANKEES"
This is tough because what's a "true Yankee" is generally dictated by the arbitrary whims of the masses. Jeter is a true Yankee. Bernie is. So's Damon. Donnie Baseball obviously counts. Randy not so much. You just have to follow the crowd. A-rod? Well that brings me to my final rule...

RULE #7 ALWAYS BOO A-ROD
Doesn't matter that he's the greatest player of all time. This is the Yankees and demand more than that. A-rod is expected to hit a grand slam every at-bat. 3-run homer? Why didn't you make your teammates better so there would be 3 runners on base? Base-hit, we're all over you.
Strike-out? Hard to believe even could even walk around. Even if he hits a game-winning grandslam, do not cheer. Be satisfied. We pay him 25 million freaking dollars. He should win two games a day.

So there have it. The seven rules of being a Yankee fan. Give in. You know you want to.

Hipster Watching: They’re Just Like Us! AND New Hipster Watching Game

2006-07-20T10:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I had drinks with a girlfriend of mine at the oooo sooo Hipster Townhouse Tavern on R and 17th. I love that place (it’s totally deck) as the music is good and the PBR is cheap (natch).

And, aside from a lot of fun conversations with my friend, I also really enjoyed one of my favorite pastimes, Hipster Watching. It’s very similar to bird watching, only more oriented toward dress and behavior.

There are several great bars in DC for Hipster Watching, including Townhouse Tavern and the Brickskeller (Dupont), Wonderland (Columbia Heights) and the Raven (Mount Pleasant) and Toledo Lounge (Adams Morgan). There may be others, but these are just the ones where I regularly hit.

Last night I witnessed one of my all time favorite Hipster Watching occurrences, the Hipster Hook up.

God, it was so cute. They were drinking PBR, playing some card game (I’m guessing EUCHRE ) and flirting like crazy. He had on the usual tee shirt, shaggy hair, jeans, white socks and tenni of some kind. She was a vision in a blue 1950s vintage top straight out of the suburbs with a big round collar and everything, knee length black shirt, shaggy bangs, short hair cut and cute little black flats from the 80s.

I liked this couple because they were totally digging each other, but a la the norm dance of love, it took a little more booze before there was leg rubbing and flirtatious touching.

For your Hipster Watching pleasure, I have created (with the help of Jack Serpentine and Jake Barnes) a Hipster Watching Game.

Points are given for each of these common Hipster experiences:

1. Hipster girl with unshaven legs (one point)

2. Hipster guy with glasses that have tape in middle though glasses are not broken (you have to check) (two points)

3. A homemade tee shirt referring to the bar/event/concert you are attending (two points)

4. Hot Hipster girl glares at you from across the room (one point)

5. Hipster get wasted on PBR (one point)

6. Listen to Hipster explain recent philosophical awakening (four points)

7. Circle of hipster girls remember days at liberal arts college; look at book they made that includes poetry and sketches about vaginas (six points)

8. You listen to hipster discuss playing any of the following instruments: Steel drums, banjo, kazoo, symbol, bass guitar, harmonica or tuba. (One point for each)

9. Hipster describes their college as small (one point), liberal arts (one point) school in Midwestern (two points); eastern (one point), western (three points) United States where they could just chill (one point), work on his/her art (two points), think about where he/she was going (three points), or slow down (no points)

10. Despite the fact that they now live in DC or NYC, they think their small, boring hometown is the best place on earth (three points)

11. Hipster explains that this bar is the only place where he/she "feels comfortable" (1 point)

12. Despite having a LARGE trust fund, they only use pay phones and never make rent (three points)

13. Discuss recent patterns on http://craftster.org/ (two points)

14. They call anything “too corporate” (one point each)

15. They bring a large shoulder strap bag to the bar (one for each) homemade button, sharpie written word, sticker of ambiguous band or skateboard company, glitter doodle or food stain.

16. Hipster doesn't say a word (1 point for each 30 minutes of silence)

17. They have never heard of the Hipster Handbook (three points), but continue to use words from the Hipster Handbook (one point for each term used) and additional point when “like” proceeds word.

18. Laugh at you if you assume they listen to Emo; it’s so passé (two points) but are wearing an obscure Bright Eyes tee-shirt (three points) or you at a Bright Eyes show (six points)

19. Do some slam-hippies style dancing (three points) with PBR in hand (add two points)

20. Hipster explains that item of clothing/accessory was given to him/her by his/her grandfather/mother/aunt/uncle (1 point, 5 points if story is clearly erroneous, like an ipod)

21. Hipster explain that he/she found item of clothing/accessory on the street (1 point) if word "gutter" is used instead of "street" (2 points)

23. Male hipster with Asian girlfriend (2 points) and overhear them discussing their three story walk-up in Brooklyn (four points)

24. Hipster casually refers to (a) book he/she is writing; (b) film he/she is directing; or (c) model girlfriend (not boyfriend) (1 point each, -5 points if female "hipster" mentions a model boyfriend) Hipster explains that, while he/she has a shoot in the morning, he/she would rather be taking photographs (1 point)

May I suggest

2006-07-19T11:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening, I met two of my girlfriends for dinner at Viridian in the hot 14th streeet / Logan Circle district. I arrived early to get some work done while enjoying wine, and I was pleasantly surprised by their great happy hour specials for this month:

All of the following are $5.00 each:
Food
sea scallop with watermelon, avocado, balsamic vinegar
niçoise tuna nigiri
crispy truffled deviled eggs with horseradish aioli
citrus cured barramundi, peach, corn, tomato

Cocktails
Orange X.O. Margarita cuervo gold, housemade sour, orange X.O.
Razberi Lime Cocktailrazberi stoli, framboise liquer, lime juice

Wines
Prosecco di Valdobbiadene NV
Castello di Medina Verdejo 2005
Chateau Bouissel Fronton

Beer
Sam Smith Oatmeal
Kaliber Non Alc.
Eggenberg Pils
Amstel Light
Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA

The happy hour runs on Tuesdays from 5pm to 11pm and Wednesday - Friday, 5pm to 7pm

We were having dinner so I was only able to sample the cocktail/wine deals, but I will certainly be going back soon to try it all.

Girl Porn

2006-07-18T09:14:00.000-05:00

I know how cool it is for ladies to love porn. But, after viewing such classics as Anus and Andy and some other soft core shit involving cheerleaders, I can safely say that while I like to watch porn for a good laugh, it rarely turns me on.

However, Hollywood does a pretty fine job of providing me with sufficient “girl porn,” which is usually in the range of PG-13 to R. And, while I'm not saying this does it for me the same way traditional porn does it for others, I sure do enjoy watching it. Here are a few of my favorite girl porn movies:

Anne of Green Gables: Why it’s great: Orphan becomes lovely young woman, she’s spunky and different and the HOT Gilbert falls for her despite her tude. The build up of that kiss will drive you mad.

Dangerous Liaisons: Sweet pappy, John Malcovich makes me fit to be tied in this French classic as he plays the ultimate bad boy turned good boy turned dead. And, the equally sexy Glen Close has some of the most amazing chemistry (and cleavage) of any screen duo.

Oscar and Lucinda: I just saw this for the first time the other day, listen to this equation: corsets, mid-1800's England, Cate Blanchet, a Fiennes brother (Ralph) as a misfit priest and mutual gambling addictions. I couldn’t have dreamt a better plotline. And, the sexual tension is just delish.

Bridget Jones’s Diary: While the first one is the only one worth your time, it’s amazing that Rene pug face Zellweger can get through a movie as an affable and charming heroine. Factor in amazing performances (yeah, I said it) from Hugh “I could eat a ham sandwich and be sexy” Grant and my one true love Colin Firth and you’ve got something worth staying in with.

Speaking of my boyfriend Colin, let’s go ahead and say anything by Jane Austen: Okay, I take Austen very seriously. She is one of my favorite authors (I’ve read every novel multiple times) and most of the movies coming from her works have not been total crap. In particular, A&E’s version of Pride and Prejudice (staring Collin Firth!!!) is like eight hours of totally amazing, and I really dug the pre-anorexic Keira Knightley remake out recently.

Vampire movies: That’s right, Dracula and Interview with a Vampire are HOT. Vampire movies are very erotic and so fun to watch. In fact, I just watched Underworld: Evolution last night and between Kate Beckinsale in black vinyl and that hot guy in romantic lead, it was very sexy.

Dangerous Beauty: I luckily happened to catch this one on a hung over Saturday and let me tell you it is so damn good. It’s a courtesan’s tale set in 16th century Venice staring Catherine McCormack. It is such an amazingly passionate and smart film with lots of hot nudity.

What's up, sweaty boobs?

2006-07-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

I had a great weekend with the boys, including these crazy fellas.

And, if you're into boobs, and you're into sweat, have I got a picture for you:

Bring on the Raine (and links)

2006-07-14T12:43:00.000-05:00

So one of Jack Serpentine's best buddies and friend of mine as well as a fellow blogger is in DC this weekend for the first time ever (Pictured w/ me at wedding where the cleavage controversy began).

Aside from the fact that we really want him to move here after graduate school (he’s studing journalism), we also just want to show him how very cool it is to live in DC.
So, last night was a great start and we plan on keeping those good times rolling. I’ve already heard from several really fab friends that we’ll be seeing them and we are always looking for more to add to the fun so holla back if you're out.

And, let me know if you have any suggestions aside from the usual spots in the mid-town area.

Have a great weekend!

PS This is one of my all time favorite pictures staring Floyd, Jack Serpentine, Dan and many other assholes I love.

A City Full of Gamblers

2006-07-13T11:03:00.000-05:00

When I was home last week, I talked to several people who were impressed that I was living in Washington, D.C and working in an important policy area. And, while I did my usual explanation of what exactly I did and who signed my checks, I also did that self-deprecating thing that is taught to southern girls and the French: "Oh, it’s not that great."

And, the truth is, I was half serious. While I would be happy to brag to anyone from Tokyo to Paris to New York City about how sweet it is to live in DC, I don’t feel the same way as I used to about the "nobility" of working in policy/politics. Part of it is the old adage that everyone’s job is equally necessary from janitors to senators. This town is really full of business card throwing stuck ups and that pisses me off. But another part of it is that the janitor actually sees the his work completed and knows he did what was asked.

Here is my point: Working in almost any policy or issue area is nothing more than a gamble. That’s right, that country sage Kenny Rogers has important wisdom for us. Because this town is full of people pushing all-in to make careers on long shots and pipe dreams.

Let me give you a scenario: Say you work on healthcare issues. Say you want universal health care to be the number one issue for voters, for example, because that would mean that politicians would pay attention to it and policy would be crafted around it and then those law would be implemented by skilled bureaucrats. That’s a tall order. So let’s say you work your ass off for 40 years and give your blood, sweat and tears to this very noble cause. You probably see small victories, the three steps forward, two steps back kinda shit. Then you retire. Maybe at the end of all that work you’ve got something to be proud of. Maybe you were head of a Presidential Commission or perhaps successfully lobbied for universal healthcare for children. That would be great.

Then as you work the back nine at some golf course you hear that the next administration has overturned your baby. Your 40 years of work. Poof. That happens a lot more than you would think. In fact, the damn system is designed to go slow and easily be reversed, particularly with the growing magnitude of power that has become the Executive Branch.

What I am trying to get at is that DC is a town of gamblers. People who have causes and beliefs and are risking, at the very least, their formative career years on something that is sitting at 1000 to 1 if they are lucky. They probably won't see an inch in any direction, but they are just crossing their fingers that they'll be dealt those Aces and they won't get busted.

It also occurs to me that we all view those pushing for world peace or more acres of rain forest to be kings among men, I wonder how noble is it to spend your time in what may well be fairy land when there are realities happening everyday in which you could actually have had a direct impact. Does this mean I'm ready to cash in my policy chips just yet? No, but it's certainly something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

And, remember Kenny's uplifting perspective, “Cause every hands a winner and every hands a loser, and the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.”

A Rant of My Own: Drawing the Line at Sex

2006-07-12T08:50:00.000-05:00

Before I left town, I got real pissed off at a blogger's post about Jessica Cutler. It was not just that his points were painfully lame, but the fact that there is no argument I could possibly make to change his mind because he is part a crowd I just don't understand: The Holier-Than-Thou.

In summary, he said to Cutler (I'll add bold for the parts that really made me mad):

"I dislike you because not only did you fucked a married man for money, you benefitted from the experience…Compounding your existing problems, instead of the social castigation you richly deserved, you got a book deal. I don't blame you entirely for that, but it certainly looks bad that instead of being even remotely apologetic about the whole thing, and accepting your half of the blame, you decided to parlay the whole thing into famousness.

"That's why I dislike you, Jessica. Make fun of me for my weight, or my earring, or my funky goatee, but at least I didn't fuck another man's wife in the ass and got famous for it. I'd rather be fat than a complete degenerate."

Despite my conservative upbringing, I still find it sad that there are just people in this world who are so totally oblivious to what goes on (and has always gone on) in real life that they are just shocked and disgusted whenever reality is presented to them. What happened to Jessica Cutler is merely a public display of what has been happening since men were attracted to women and particularly, older powerful men to younger woman.

I personally have no problem with what Jessica Cutler did and has done since then aside from the fact that I don’t like how her novel about those experiences turned out (I have a theory that her publisher/editor made her tie it all in a bow, but whatevs, fingers crossed for something better in the HBO series).

Anyway, it bothers me that people fault her for taking money/presents from these dudes she was sleeping with. Bothers me a lot. Do we fault men who get their rocks off on much hotter girls they don’t deserve? Hell no! We give them high fives and envious glances and deem these women “trophies” and reflections of these men’s status among their peers. But, when these women want to take money or favors for these dalliances, we suddenly get free reign to crucify them? It’s a barter, baby, you get yours and I’ll get mine.

Sure, Cutler became famous for something silly and pedestrian (sex), albeit socially taboo, but that’s not her fault. She was writing to her friends online about her life, and it became public. Lemons into lemonade, and no matter how sweet your glass house, I doubt anyone can say for certain they wouldn’t do the same if faced with her limited options.

So those puritanical many like our blogger buddy there who naively (and probably jealously) blush at the idea of anal sex and blow jobs will continue to wring their hands and hate her for what she did no matter what. I also love that it was/is Cutler who gets judged. Sure, she wrote the book. But even before that, these people were so disgusted with her as opposed to the men who were also taking advantage of a situation. I have hardly heard anything negative about that guy who is suing her and Anna Marie Cox and half the known world for $20 million...but she had anal sex, the nerve!

And, that leads me to my main point: I think our society draws the line at sex and it’s sexist and stupid. Our cultural norm says it’s okay for a man in a monetarily advantageous position to use every ounce of it to get sex, but if there is anything in it for the woman other than his shriveled balls, it’s wrong.

A perfect example would be Anna Nicole Smith. People hate her, call her nasty names because she saw a great opportunity to make some serious money and make some old bastard really fucking happy the last few years of his life. But, oh no, she’s the demonized gold digger because she wanted more than sex. If it was just sex like we assume he wanted than it was totally okay, but because she wanted more, she’s the whore.

It's time we all deal with reality. Sure, we all want every sexual encounter to be moonlight and roses, but the simple fact is the world has never and will never go round on healthy and happy relationships because those relationships are between human beings who are filled with id and ego and libido, not angel dust.

And, to be perfectly honest, sex with angel dust would probably be pretty damn boring and certainly not a world in which I would want to live.

Guest Blogger Dan: On Blog Commenters

2006-07-11T08:32:00.000-05:00

If a blog is a house, a blog with comments is a home. ...A home full of strangers, whom you may or may not want to murder, in the kitchen, with the candlestick.

As the host of StandUp and Win would say, "Who are these people?"

I decided to research these curious beings -- and what better place than the blog of Anderson Cooper 360?

Anderson is the coolest (he listens to Arcade Fire!), purest ("Be honest about what you see, get out of the way and let the story reveal itself!"), hottest (he doesn't look like Wolf Blitzer!) journalist in the whole world!

He interviewed Angelina Jolie about her efforts with refugees, which was sure to provoke a firestorm of comments. Let's rock, Esposito!

Commenter Type: The Debater
You know the saying, "Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics -- even if you win, you're still retarded."? Well, Debaters are very competitive retards; they spend a lot of time poking holes in nutjobs' arguments. While they often win said arguments, The Debater will never change anyone's opinion, thereby ensuring their future activities.

No matter what cause she represents, an interview with Angelina Jolie has the appearance of show biz. Anderson, you have a reputation of no non-sense subject reporting, this does not add to that reputation. You have dropped a notch in my respect for you. Remember the line"....nor the appearance of". You standing in a 50 mph wind reporting a hurricane when you could have done the same report from inside a studio was "hokey" but at least it was a real 50 mph wind. Movie stars indulgences are not real news except to readers of People Magazine.
--Posted By Walt Partin, Chico, TX : 3:38 PM ET

Commenter Type: The Righteous
Not only does this commenter feel compelled to whine about whatever you may be discussing but she (generally) also likes to list why she is better...as if anyone cared.

I would much rather see an interview with "common" people who may not have millions of dollars to donate but who use their time and energy to help others in need.

I have volunteered 2-3 days a week at a homeless shelter in Baltimore County for 6 years. I hand out utensils and napkins, take down and put up chairs, serve food, pass out toiletries, and get everyone ready for bed. I have also helped Habitat for Humanity
over a dozen times in the past three years.

I am not rich, I am not famous, and I am not the most beautiful woman in the world. But I like to think that I do my part.

Have fun with Angelina, but don't forget that generosity is not limited to the very wealthy or the very gorgeous. --Posted By Sarah, Baltimore, MD : 3:54 PM ET

[Oh, and as an aside to Sarah from Baltimore: I know you're "not famous", and "not the most beautiful woman in the world". I kinda just figured all that out on my own, without your input. Thanks anyway.]

Commenter Type: The Stalker
Hi Anderson, I am a big fan of yours. I will be honest I am not a fan of Angelina's, but I am interested in why she has put so much time and energy into traveling to see and to help refugees, she is an intriguing person and since you will be conducting the interview, I certainly will be watching. I will also be buying your book! Have a wonderful day.
Sincerely, Lauren M.
--Posted By Lauren Mocarski, Fort Myers, FL : 12:32 PM ET

I'll translate: I think Angelina is a worthless whore, but I'd watch you interview a wet box of Kleenex, because I'm completely infatuated with you. I'm off to buy your book... but I probably won't read it. I'll probably just light some candles, hop into a warm bath, and look at your dust jacket photo while I stir the soup.

Commenter Type: The Centrist
This type of individual posts comments only when he/she has something to add about him/herself. We all do this, in a completely appropriate way, but a Centrist turns it up a notch.

Let's say a blogger orders a pepperoni pizza. And let's say, at the suggestion of the busty Jessica Simpson or the even bustier Queen Latifa, the blogger places the order with Pizza Hut. Let's say the pizza was late, and it didn't even taste that good, because it had those cheesy bites instead of crust, and those cheesy bites suck it hard. [NOTE: I've never tried the cheesy bites pizza, but I can assume, judging by the photographs I've seen and previous gastronomic experience, that it's awful, awful stuff.]

In our scenario, reasonable blog readers might make some comments. "I ordered from Pizza Hut yesterday, and the kind Indian gentlemen took my order correctly, emailed it to the local Hut promptly, and the delivery boy arrived in the specified time period," one might say. Another might add, "I disagree about those cheesy bites. I think they're delicious – much tastier than the pizzas I usually eat, which are topped with Ragu, velveeta, and smallish chunks of a fisherman's boot." These comments are self-involved, but not Centrist. A Centrist's comment would read something like, "My boyfriend hates pepperoni."

Commenter Type: The Riff-Raff
It is great to know that our celebs are making the difference that we would like to see from our world leaders. I am greatful that Bono and others can see and think out of the box and do more than their part.
--Posted By Chris, Chicago, IL : 1:23 PM ET

Two of the most impressive - and, in my opinion, inspirational - people in media today in the same place at the same time? I will definitely be going out of my way to watch. I'm sure the conversation will be interesting.
--Posted By A. Akeju, Bronx, NY : 1:57 PM ET

It's so refreshing to see a journalist who is focused on the real stories; not just the celebrity gossip. It is also so wonderful to see a celebrity using their status, such as Angelina Jolie, to help others who are in such great need. My hats off to you both..
--Posted By Todd, Fredericksburg VA : 1:33 PM ET

The three comments above are worthless. Chris from Chicago is "greatful" for people that help people. A New Yorker is excited to watch the interview. Todd from Fredericksburg tips his hat to Angelina for her humanitarian efforts, and to Mr. Cooper for his heroic efforts to interview an actress. These well-meaning folks are like the comments they write: nice, but worthless. They add nothing to the dialogue. They bring nothing to the table. They watch "Two and a Half Men". They applaud at the end of a movie.

So, what have we learned about commenters, the lifeblood of the blog? And what can we do about them? Probably not much. But whatever. A house is not a home.

[V Note: Sorry if you read the jacked up version of this post that blogger for some reason decided to publish yesterday. Twice. Awesome. And, for those who had comments on the post, yes, I was drunk last night, but not while working on this.]

So we had some fun in Texas w/ photos

2006-07-10T09:08:00.000-05:00

Three of my best friends from high school (see below) and I loaded up the Lexus SUV (as if we could ride to Texas in anything else) for a night in Dallas and Athens.

Aside from my girls and a couple others, much of the fun was had with people I haven’t seen in 5 plus years.

First, the guy that got married was the nice guy in high school who could just never find a girl who wanted to be more than “just friends.” But, he finally found that special someone (she's between Meg and me and the happy couple is below) and that’s why we all descended upon Athens, TX.

While I do enjoy weddings (hell, I've been in 6), I do not enjoy people asking me "when you gettin married." It makes me feel old and uncomfortable. They also usually look at me weird when I explain I have a "not before 30" rule.

When I see people who I haven't shared a word with in years, I try to remember what I was like the last time they knew me. I wouldn't say I was that different when I was in high school, but certainly I have changed enough to surprise some people. Probably the first thing is that I take myself a lot less serious. I think I may also be nicer now (yeah, imagine what a bitch I used to be), I'd guess regular sex and booze has been helpful in my de-bitching.

Certainly my goals have changed as I expect or believe possible to "change the world" or any other nonsense like that.

I also did some thinking on my trip. The two girls I am taking a shot with (Ash and Meg) are doctors. I am pretty jealous of people who have their shit together enough to know how they want to spend the next 40+. While I do like what I am doing, the idea of my career path already being chosen is a bit scary.

I have a couple funny pictures from our night out in Dallas (all of these are from the wedding) and once I locate my camera download-thingy, I will post those as well.

Glad to be back, ya'll.

Just keeping it real, Okie style

2006-07-06T23:04:00.000-05:00

So if you are lucky enough to talk to me within the first 24 hours of my return from Oklahoma, you're going to some serious accent. I haven't used a "g" at the end of a word in days.

So Dallas was great, it was a road trip deluxe and it basically just consisted of me and girlfriends being drunk 5 days in a row. I also saw many familiar faces from high school and overcame the "V drinks?!" shock.

Other than that, I've been hanging out. Ran into some people that I had a little history with, was glad I looked pretty good, tits perky and with a tan.

It's also been a reflective weekend. Aside from just fully rolling around in my mid-mid-life crisis (a la a pig in shit, if you will), I also have been thinking a lot about a friend I lost who would have been best man at the wedding. His dad was there and it was tough. It seems like every time I come home I am reminded of all the shit.

But, not to go too manic on you, I will say I am quite excited to come home and get to back to work. For the moment, however, I will continue to enjoy my 24 oz Miller High Life (Champagne of Beer, bitches).

(PS Blogger is being a total cunt and will not upload my photos from the weddin, so those will be available soon)

Circle V Doing Dallas

2006-06-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

Alright, darlings, I'm outta here for the weekend for wedding fun in Dallas, Texas. But, I should have lots of hot photos, stories about getting crunk in Dallas and getting cow poked and whatnot (isn't that legal in Texas, not sure).

I'll be home in Oklahoma all next week so expect some posts inspired by my 40 of Natural Light and perhaps a scouting report on the Northeastern Oklahoma Casinos.

I miss you already.

Circle V's Tips for Her Fellas, Part Deux

2006-06-28T09:37:00.000-05:00

Last week, I kicked off my series Circle V's Tips for Her Fellas with a post about how to hook up with your average girl.

And, now, we get to part Deux of my series for those fellas looking to take it to the next level beyond the hook up. However, Part Deux has a Deux, because it was so damn long that I had to bust it up so you could actually read it in one sitting.

So today, we discuss successful dating/girlfriend relationships:
Preface: Honesty, the only policy
Part I. The psychology of a woman
Part II: Broads--what you're really dealing with (coming soon)

And, I will finish the series with own personal advice for long term relastionship success (Because I've fucked up enough to know).

Preface: Before we get down and dirty as to what you have really gotten yourself into, I need to talk to you about the cardinal rule when dating women: honesty. No, not honesty about that skank you got on the side, but honesty with yourself.

That’s right, you are most likely a big fucking liar, and you don’t even know it. The human brain has all sorts of fun ways it can trick itself into believing what it wants to believe. But don’t let that happen. Before you start dating someone, think about why it is you want to date this person.

If you ask yourself that honestly, and your natural response is any of the following, then we gots problems:

Question: Why do you want to date her?
Answer(s):
She’s hot
She’s got money
She thinks I’m cool/smart/hot/funny
She keeps calling
I’ve been given an ultimatum and the sex is too sweet to give up
We have been on X number of dates, that means we’re dating
All my buddies have girlfriends, now I do, too
My parents/friends/social group would like her
I haven’t met anyone I like that much in a while, and she’s okay

There are others, but I think this gives you a sense of how 80 percent of dating relationships start. That’s right, I’d guess most people who start dating are doomed to fail. And, if they don’t fail while dating, they’ll definitely fail on the long term.

I honestly think it is the simple reasons and natural impulses that make dating someone more successful. So if you answer:

I’m attracted to her, and I like spending time with her because she is cool/smart/fun/interesting/ect then we’re on the trolley and the following advice will hopefully help you have a better and more successful dating experience.

Part I: Physical Friendship

So, putting your bullshit aside, and under the assumption that you're not a man-child who is incapable of having a healthy relationship, let’s move on to her and the situation at hand.

Okay, so you’ve probably hooked up with her, spent some weekends together, talk regularly, etc. She seems really great. She’s laughing at the jokes, she’s going to baseball games, she’s listening to your music, this girl is perfect!

Um, no. She’s lying. You are a brand new pair of shoes, my friend. Or, let’s go with a new video game. You know when you first get it and it’s sooo coool and you’re all into figuring it out, talking to your friends about it, really getting into what’s going on with this game that is sooo much cooler than any other video game you’ve played? Then after you beat it or play so much and you get tired of it and move on. That's how relationships start, too. And, that’s a two-way street, my friend, both of you are gearing up to have the shinny new-ness disappear.

And, once you get over how hot/cool/fun she is, you’ve got to like her. See, a woman is going to start to turn needy bitch when she senses that you are losing interest. You lose interest when you realize you don’t like her quite as much as you expected (which is natural because hello, everyone seems perfect at the beginning) AND now, she’s starting to act like a needy bitch. Yeah, you see where I’m going with this. Dating relationships end because they are usually a self-fulfilling prophecy. Something goes wrong and neither person really likes the other enough to fix it.

So that rant leads me to the most important advice you’re going to get: Be her friend. I mean you can still fuck her, but you need to view her as your friend, not as someone you are dating. Being friends with someone means there is mutual respect, honesty and trust. I have seen too many relationships crash and burn because it was two people dating with stars in their eyes about love and marriage and all that bullshit, when what they should have been focusing on was building a physical friendship. Because to me, to date someone and then have her turn girlfriend means you are building a friendship with someone you hit it with.

I'm going to say something crazy here, but I think if when a relastionship (no matter how short or long ends), you know it was done right if you both don't hate each other, involve the police or kick cars. Because this person you were dating was your friend, you should be able to move on (and she move on as well) with minimal drama. Even if you cheat on her, she should be like, "I like you as a person, but it's become clear to me that you're a dog. Peace." Okay, I know it's never that easy, but you see my point?

Now that you’ll be in the right frame of mind (Physical Friendship), let’s talk about how crazy most women are, myself including, I’m not just hating on my gender.

Initial Question: How crazy is that bitch?
Follow-up: Is the juice worth the squeeze?

Consider:

The ex: Depending on the person/personality, she will most likely be screwed up from a past boyfriend. You need to assess early what you’re getting into. How abusive was this asshole? Does she hate her body, overcompensates or lies to please. I mean there is a laundry list of things that could be wrong with her. I’m not saying you’re going to fix those broken wings, but there is no way you are going to be able to have any sort of relationship with her if you don’t know what you’re dealing with.

Paging Dr. Freud: Learn about her parents. A person’s parents/childhood has some impact on what dating this chick is going to be like. Listen to how she describes her parents, siblings, growing up, etc. I’m not saying you need to get her on a couch and play Freud or anything, but if she’s got a bitch for a mom, you’re going to be dealing with that at some point. If she was always jealous of her brother then you’re probably going to be dealing with that too. Again, I’m not saying you need to get this all after the first month or anything, just be aware that as she lets her guard down you need to be listening.

Ask yourself:
Here are two simple questions: What does she want out of this relationship.
Is that similar to what you want or may eventually want?

I’m going to be real honest that most women really do want the fucking fairytale. They want to be swept off their feet and whisked away to paradise. You are not going to provide that, not even a little. She needs to deal with it and you need to understand that she is expecting that so be careful. “You’re never romantic” is a product of this endemic problem. Women are fed Cinderella and Snow White and Pretty Woman stories from the moment they can blink so you need to keep reality in check. Sure, you aren’t picking her up in a carriage with an arm full of roses, but damn it, you are watching Monster-in-law because she wants to (and to check out J-Lo’s ass). Don't let her fantasies ruin your relationship. I know it's her fault, but if you like the girl, you need to step in and talk to her about managing her expectations for this thing you got going on.

Letting your guard down is better. Guys love to front. Women do too, but it’s in a much more stupid way. Women front about how smart they are, confident they are or how they see themselves and you’ll see right through that so don’t worry about it. But men, men front about their feelings and that actually does matter in the relationship. You need to be real, real honest with her and talk about where you are at with this thing. If she doesn’t like it, then it’s too damn bad. Listen, it’s pretty rare that two people ever feel the same about the other—and yet, so many relationship thrive on that idea and it’s total horse shit. People are different with different ideas of love and spending time and emotional availability and all that stuff that makes up where you are with this person. Now, she might be a bitch to you because she doesn’t understand this, but you’re right and she needs to get it. By “see each other more” you may mean three times and week and she may mean every morning. You both need to by crystal clear about that or it could totally screw the relationship.

Hey Sexy, What's Your Sign?

2006-06-27T12:46:00.000-05:00

While I don’t like admitting Paris Hilton was my muse today, I did find this little article about her of interest, it read:

Paris Hilton blames her wild lifestyle on the zodiac.

The 'Pledge This!' actress - famed for her love of late nights and clubs - insists her star sign is the reason she is such a party animal.

She explained: "I don't know how I keep going to all these parties. I think it's because I am an Aquarius. We Aquarians have a lot of energy."

Sing it, sista.

So, if you've ever spoken to me for more than ten minutes at a time, you probably heard me ask, "What's your sign?" Now, I probably wasn't hitting on you; I just am one of "those people” who believes in astrology.

And, yeah, I'm a pretty smart girl, and I understand that it's fairly stupid to think the day/month/time that you were born would have any more implication on your personality than the name of the doctor that delivered you, but I only tells it hows I sees it, and I am telling you it does matter.

I have a couple friends that think I'm all out stupid for believing in astrology. And, I would think so as well if I just believed it for no reason.
But, time and time and time again, I have seen certain behavior fit the same people within a sign.
I just look for commonalities in behavior and personality and I file it away. I usually see my "theory" that it's because they are a Taurus or whatever validated when sho nuff someone of the same sign does the same thing. I’m not talking things like “You’re really nice and like people” but personality things.

Some signs I am more familiar with (Pisces, Taurus, Aquarius, Scorpio, or Sag) and other signs I know a few details as well. One of my favorite things to do when meeting someone is to find out their sign and describe general characteristics about that person—I'd say easily 9 times outta 10, I have people really impressed with these little descriptions.

Let me list some of the things I have found to be true in many cases (like those caveats)--you can agree or disagree, but I'm just sayin:

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
These fish are as smart as they are emotionally sensitive. They don’t like to disagree with you unless it’s a debate about an issue. It’s kind of like the image of someone crying and knowing they shouldn’t, but they are anyway. They are prone to being lonely, but are particular about the company they keep for an extended period of time. It's pretty rare for anyone to not like a Pisces as they are very agreeable and caring.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
These lovely little crazies are obsessed with the future. Their classic phrase is “what’s next” because if they don’t have something cooking on the horizon they are not satisfied. Certainly not in the moment people, they are highly competitive and prone to emotional vulnerability. They are also a bit selfish and while they recognize their own fault in a relationship, they don’t like to admit it to anyone or correct it.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
It’s no coincidence that this sign’s symbol is the bull because they will not listen or change for anyone unless THEY are ready or willing. Something I’ve found to be often misunderstood about this sign is that they have a great emotional capacity for understanding and actually make great (thought sometimes selfish) friends. A Taurus is also prone to being narcissistic and escapist, which can be a lot of fun, but takes an emotional toll on those who love him or her.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Okay, this is my sign and I think it’s the best sign (which is exactly what an Aquarius would say). Though our symbol is the water bearer, we are most definitely an air sign. We are emotionally detached in the sense that we rarely are emotionally attached to any situation. Give us one nights sleep and most of the anger will be gone. We are outgoing to a fault and are generally confident about ourselves and our own abilities. We can also be assholes because few things bother us and we assume that others are the same way.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
These bad boys are some complex mofos. While they care a great deal for those in their life, they also have problems forming long-term relationships due to their uncanny ability to check out of any situation due to a very strong sense of self. Their symbol of a scorpion is not just the idea of a stinger (strong temper), it’s that once you cross them, you will always pay for it. They are also intelligent and serious about their work and life. They often are too trusting of people when they first meet them, but usually can pick up on it after they realize something is not right (don't even try to tell them).

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
As a fire sign, Leos are often the life of the party as they are confident and have a serious love of fun. I have found, however, that Leos are often vulnerable in friendships and relationships due to their open and honest nature. One of the worst scenarios for a Leo is to be in a relationship with someone that is control or dominating because that can really eff them up. However, a definite positive of the sign is that they don’t take it for long and are usually happy to kick manipulators to the curb.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
The dual sign is equal parts masculine and feminine. A Gemini has many emotional vulnerabilities, but many masculine traits as well. It’s a particularly interesting sign because while friendships and relationships can be quite nurturing, they can also cold and dominating if the Gemini does not get his or her way. I have found them to be extremely creative and independent, and only happy when “doing their own thing” without the usual structures and restraints of a workplace.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
This is a straight up no-nonsense sign when it comes to intelligence and absolute silly sign when it comes to personality. They take their intellect extremely serious, and have trouble respecting people who they would consider, well, stupid. In social situations they often don’t have much regard the status quo and usually do whatever it is that interests them, particularly because they tend to be on the vain side. A classic example of a Virgo would be a former-friend who worked on policy and spreadsheets all day and then came home to two stinky, but beloved ferrets--smart and serious in intellect, but totally goofy in personalitiy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):
They are nurturers and have their own concerns last on the list. I have seen Cancers emotionally exhaust themselves time and time again on a high maintenance friend or relationship. They are very appreciative people and aside from never missing your birthday, they also have a tremendous amount of gratitude for any kindness you give them. Downsides include letting their emotions control them to the point of being irrational though they often pride themselves on being levelheaded, it usually is not the case.

ARIES (March 21-April 19):
Aries people are headstrong and usually ready to be a pioneer, which includes rush into things before reflecting. They often dominate the conversation and have a strong will. An Aries will have a seriousl and constant need for love and affection and usually, attention. Most of them that I have known are idealists and feel more comfortable looking at the positive.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
Librans usually have a lot of class and self respect. They are always struggling with a particular decision or conflict as it's their nature to balance rather than choose. Some of the strongest people I know have been Libras, and also very good at adapting in a particular situation.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
I have only known a couple Capricorns and while both do have some similarities (strong willed, confident) I have also observed a listlessness in their nature. There is a quality that makes life happen to them instead of them making choices that result in their present situation. I would also say that they are known as leaders and associated with public figures, and I would agree with that as those that I know are most often looked to in stressful situations.

If you do one thing today

2006-06-27T09:44:00.000-05:00

You must read the posts from, what may be my absolute fav blog EVER, Go Fug Yourself. Jessica and Heather have truly gone above and beyond in their moving and hilarious tribute to Aaron Spelling. It's the posts they've been waiting their whole blog careers to write, and these are certainly worth the wait.

The shit is bananas.

Enjoy them at Gofugyourself.com

BIG NEWS: Wonkette here I come

2006-06-23T09:59:00.000-05:00

I have BIG NEWS. HUGE. So a couple friends of mine in Chicago e-mailed me the Wonkette posting yesterday for a new Senior Writer. While I thought I wasn't quite ready to give up my illustrious career in PR, I sent in the application just in case. So I did and they called right back. It was awesome. So I met them over at their really nice offices in SE and had an interview. And, I think it went really really well.

And, I knew all of you would be really supportive of this and just for you, I recorded the interview and transcribed it below. That's how much I love you, until I leave, and I'll never talk to you again.

Wonkettes: V, thank you for applying for our senior writer position. So, you’re a resident of DC, that’s good. You said in your application that you “love the gays” and live “in Dupont Circle, represent.”

V: Yeah, totally, but I go to the Hill or whatever all the time if that’s what you’re worried about.

Wonkettes: Great, it's important for you to be willing to go outside the Dupont area. You listed your access the corridors of power as “hooking on K street” do you have any other more, um, legal examples?

V: First of all, that was a joke. It’s not hooking if you do it for free, SNAP. And, yeah, I gots your access. I know several granola types with unfettered access to DNC e-mail blasts and waaay left blogs that mostly consist of hippie-types trolling the free computers in libraries between porn and crazy left propaganda. So, they’ll help me out with tips or whatever.

And, I have a friend who knows high powered people in DC. She sometimes tells me stories when she’s drunk, and then if I were to get her really drunk, she’d probably blackout and then I could use them without hurting our really important friendship. Because that’s something that you should know about me, friends are friends forever.

Wonkettes: You seem to be a Democrat as you listed here that you do not hate poor people that much, but do hate business. Despite the stupidity of that answer, can you describe how you would be a non-partisan part of the Wonkette team?

V: Oh, I totally have a good answer to this one. So, I have a friend who used to have text sex with a very important married Republican guy. I mean like way more important than you would ever believe. Of course, they no longer talk due to some awkwardness. And, she’d kill me if I said who he was. But still, how many applicants can say they’ve done some wordsmithing like “Put in my pooper” via text to the upper echelons of power?

And, I’m totally liked by Democrats, too. This one former-Kerry consultant won’t stop calling cause I lost a fundraising bet and owe him a flashing.

Wonkettes: Got that. Are you professional around important people in DC? Can you give me some examples?

V: Sure, I hung out with Terry Mcauliffe twice. Once, in the VIP area of a DREAM fundraiser (snuck in with a bunch of Redskin players) where I thought it would be hilarious to ask him really stupid questions like “So you think yer pretty important, huh?” and then at another even lamer DNC thing where my friend grabbed his ass (for no reason) and I pretended to light his cigar and then stole it, and he got really mad.

Wonkettes: Oh my god. (Pause) So, a lot of our contacts are on the Hill. Tell me about some of the experiences you have had there.

V: Oh sure. Do you mean at bars or actually in the buildings? I mean I used to ride around on that trolley thingy that goes between the buildings. And, when my parents came to town I took a tour. Oh and one time, me and my girl got really hammered at 201 on the expense account of a Senator’s COS (see I know the lingo!). I’m not saying which one because his girlfriend caught us and got really mad. And then he had to run after her, and we just kept charging stuff. Yeah, bet you wished that happened to you.

Wonkettes: (Heavy sigh) In the paragraph you submitted about why you wanted this job, you just said “I am a patriot. I love my country because my country loves me.” Is there more?

V: To that song or me (laughs for a couple minutes). See that’s the kind of joshin I bring to the table. Well, aside from my love of self-deprecating humor, I’m a perfectionist. And, I love people. All people. Except the Jews. And, I used to be a journalist in college, I was editor of our newspaper for three years so that’s good, right? Of course, I ended up getting too “political” and tried using my powers for “my own agenda” and people got mad. But I didn’t care, Fuck em, you know, just fuck em.

Wonkettes: Okay, so are there any negatives that you see to hiring you?

V: Well, I’m a bit of a drinker.

Wonkettes: Yeah, you brought a sixer of Miller High Life with you to this interview.

V: That’s right, Champagne of Beers, biotches!

Wonkettes: You also listed in the paragraph about why this job interests you as “You like to go to free events and get free food and free drinks and then make fun of people, sometimes to their face.” Is that true?

V: Oh, it’s totally true. This one time, I went to this gross out Lawyer event at the University Club and got really drunk, and I’m told I called some guy as asshole to his face and then started laughing. Really loud. Also in his face.

Wonkettes: Oh my God, seriously? Okay, I saw that you have your own blog, what does our blog and your blog have in common?

V: Well, I like to make fun of Jessica Cutler and so do you (but I would be her BFF in a heartbeat if she asked). She once even posted on my blog. Said I was “sweating her.” It was really cool.

And, you guys totally love me. Whenever I’ve said anything about seeing famous-for-DC-types or sex clubs, you’ve loved it.

Wonkettes: Right. So here are a series of fun questions, and I want you to answer honestly.

V: Can I make this a drinking game?

Wonkettes: No. Aren’t you 25? Do you still play drinking games? (Pause) Are you flipping me off? Anyway, these are just funny little questions so here we go:
Which politician would you most want to sleep with?

V: Katherine Harris.

Wonkettes: (Laughs) That’s a good one, who wouldn't with those knockers?! (Wonkettes high five) Okay, which state would you like to run out of?

V: Florida

Wonkettes: Alright, which leader would you most like to get propositioned by?

V: Jeb Bush

Wonkettes: Which political marriage would you most like to breakup?

V: George and Laura.

Wonkettes: Are you just listing things about Katharine Harris because you know we like to make fun of her on our website?

V: (silence) Did this just get awkward? I can quote the Simpsons to show we have a common bond of comedy. And, I love the Daily Show, toooo.

Wonkettes: Right. Thank you for your time.

V: So you’re going to call me soon, right?

Wonkettes: Um, yeah. Hey, are you just going to leave the empties?

Old "Woods" that's an understatement

2006-06-21T16:17:00.000-05:00

For those of you who watch Entourage because you're better than everyone else, you probably got a big kick out of James Woods on the Season III premier two weeks ago. James played himself and there was a little funny bit about the boys stealing his tickets to the Aquaman movie.

Okay, what I thought was most funny was his girlfriend--it was silly how hot she was. They had her in this tiny tank top, fakes flying everywhere, it was so funny cause, you know, Woods is so old.

Yeah, I didn't get this memo either. That's his REAL girlfriend, her name is Ashley Madison (of course it is). And, I was all what is that actress maybe 21...how funny that they cast her as that old man's g/f.

Try again--that 20 year old is with that 59 year old. She's his golf buddy's daughter! Woods said he has "known her since she was a little kid!" Eeeeew--ewwww--ewwww. I mean I know he's in the party of family values and everything, but not like value enough to be your granddaughter.

Okay, go on and talk about how cool he is for tapping that ass.

"Screw You" and other commuter pleasantries

2006-06-21T08:50:00.000-05:00

Despite my MIA status as of late, I wanted to tell you a funny little mishap I witnessed this morning .

Walking across Mass and 18th, I was pausing to grab my WaPo Express, and as the light is changing, I see a guy walking a little slow through the crosswalk. He was about four feet from the curb and the light had turned green for cross traffic. Then a red car gives him the horn. The guy, who looks like a fairly normal morning commuter, suddenly screams "SCREW YOU" and hurls his Grande Starbucks coffee all over the side of the car. The remaining people in the crosswalk stand there stunned.

As a walker in this fine city, I respect his ‘tude and salute his “I’m not taking your shit” perspective at 8:30 in the morning.

I'm going to be honest

2006-06-16T08:43:00.000-05:00

I only have the Part 2 piece of my series half finished (shoulda been posted yesterday).

I can't find the cord to download the cage photos.

I'm too busy at work to do the weekend round up today.

So, you're just going to have to wait on all that shit.

I do, however, have a funny picture from last Friday.

Weekend calling...

She'll pretty much have to and other thoughts

2006-06-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

First, last night I won back-to-back poker tournaments at Coyote. I got lucky and sucked out on a couple hands, but overall I just played pretty well. I am getting a lot better at reading people and also being patient, which is really, really hard for me.

Today, is DC Bach’s birthday. If you haven’t wished him a happy one, you should, especially if you are a hot slut.

I have several pictures to post from the cage match Kassy and I had this past Saturday. They’re pretty cute if you like pictures of school girls dancing up on each other with Asian chicks.

So, after I placed a comment on First Date DC earlier, I thought of a story to tell from that school girl night.

A very WASPy looking girl and frat G-town looking guy were watching the crowd and dancing from two chairs in the corner. He got up and I decided to take a breather from dancing and sat down next to the girl. She smiled awkwardly.

V: Your boyfriend bring you here?
WASP: My fiancé.
V: He used to bring his ex-girlfriends here?
WASP: Yes, he said it can be fun sometimes.
V: You having fun.
WASP: (obviously lying) Oh yeah, it’s great.
V: Really because you aren’t dancing or even dressed up.
WASP: Well, I guess it’s a little intimidating.
V: Sure. You know, probably all your boyfriend wants is to get another attractive girl in the mix.
WASP: (eyes widen) You think.
V: He’s a guy right? And, if he used to come here w/ his ex I am sure it was for threesomes or maybe an orgy.
WASP: I’m not having an orgy.
V: I don’t blame you. But if you’re smart, you’ll pick out some hot girl and bring her into the couple. Someone you like. If you do that he probably won’t drag you to clubs like this anymore.
WASP: I don’t think that’s what he wants.
V: Okay sure, but see what his reaction is when you suggest it.
WASP: (Glares at V) Maybe.

So that sucks for her, right. I mean she is S-C-R-E-W-E-D in not the good way. This guy neglected to mention before he slipped on that rock that he likes it freaky. And, we're not just talking a diamond for a BJ, or hey honey, let's try anal. Brother wants to get down.

But, now that little darling is in love with him, planning her wedding and she has to start worrying about how to keep this guy on the hook until the big day.

I wonder how many girls get roped into this situation? They are so excited to finally get engaged to “Mr. Right” who seems quite satisfied with their current sex life and then suddenly he suggests something that “might be fun…me and my ex used to do…”

I mean what the hell is she supposed to say? And sure, maybe he’ll get lucky. Maybe she’s had it in her all along. But probably, if the reason she is experimenting is to just keep him around, it just won’t last. She’ll feel uncomfortable, resent him and punish him in other ways in their daily life, probably mostly by nagging and bitching.

He’ll have her half-assed attempt to spice things up and when that fails, he will start looking elsewhere for what he needs—something he should have admitted in the first place. But how does a guy go about doing that? When is the right time?

Well, I’ll tell you when it’s not the right time, after you’ve asked her to marry you.

Circle V's tips for her fellas (A three part series)

2006-06-13T10:14:00.000-05:00

So a while back I posted some assistance for ladies with their men. It has been requested that I post a similar set of tips for men. I think this may be particularly relevant as of late due to the recent increase in hottie single blogger ladies (not that they'd fall for your shit, but still).

So, gentlemen, while I am not the master in this area, I'd like to impart a couple things about dealing with a modern woman. Let me just that of course not all of these are true for every woman.

My previous post for women was how to be a cooler girlfriend because probably they aren't too worried about finding someone to hookup with. But for men, it is much more complicated (because they are dealing with women). So rather than tell you what to do, I want you to think on these things. This is going down in three parts.

Circle V’s tips for her fellas:

Today: The hookup—The down and dirty gauntlet you gotta run each time

Next: You wanna date her/girlfriend—the psychology of a woman

Then: Long term tips—You really dig her, how not to fuck it up/lie to yourself

Part I. The Hookup:

So she’s attractive and you are pretty sure you won’t want to talk to her much longer than absolutely necessary. You’ve got three obstacles in this gauntlet, which may or may not be as hard to surmount depending on the amount of booze / her emotional state:

1. She finds you attractive—Okay, this is tough because even if you are at least somewhat attractive, it’s mostly up to her preferences (you know, one bitch's junk gets the other's treasure). So all I can say is part of being attractive is being confident. Now, what the hell does that mean because dudes are told it all the time? I think the best way to go into it is to be interested in her, but keep in the back of your mind/attitude that while you dig her, you could take or leave her either way (true or not). That thought will keep the whiff of desperation from stinking up your game. This doesn’t mean check out other girls while talking to her, it means play it casual, but friendly.

Okay, so there are other things that make you more attractive than Abercrombie genes. The first thing, which is always a crapshoot, would be chemistry. For whatever reason sometimes people just happen to be in the same place in life or whatever and they get each other. When you feel that, take a big ol sigh of relief because this process will be much, much easier. But, if you think you need some more help, a good sense of humor can be very attractive. If you can make that girl laugh, that’s at least another 20 percent on top of wherever you are at presently. Also, if you can find something that you both think is funny (usually this involves making fun of cheesey people in the bar or slutty outfits) she will feel like you’ve got some sort of camaraderie or whatever—like she’s in on the joke. This basically forces chemistry if you think for some reason it’s not there, yet.

Also, you should play up your strengths. I think guys miss this a lot because they are so worried about being cool because they assume that’s what girls like because that’s what they are told by TV and shit. But, in actuality, she is probably more likely to be into whatever you’ve got than just playing it cool. For example, if you are smart/witty, play that shit up. If you are good at the self-depricating humor, do that. If you know that you’ve got an excellent smile or great laugh, use it to your advantage. I mean she’s got her tits pushed up, layers of makeup and knows just how to stand to look as skinny as possible so why don’t you play your own shit up, too?

2. She considers hooking up with you to make her feel better about X: Okay, so her finding you attractive is kinda complicated, but this is even worse. Look, you’re dealing with a girl and unless you hit gold (free sex with little effort) you’re probably going to have to work for it. So, the thing here is that every normal girl you meet who is dressed up and drinking is looking for something. As I told someone at a happy hour recently, the key to most normal women is to make them feel “pretty.” Simple, sure, but I’m telling you, a women’s ability to like you is really rooted in how she thinks you view her.

If she is attracted to you at least a little and you are able to indirectly make her feel good about how she looks or whatever (i.e. sooo pretty, smart, funny, hot, clever, fun, unique, independent, different) in a subtle way than you’re probably going to get her. “Feeling pretty” means you push that button that makes her feel good enough about herself to want to sleep with you. See women live in their heads. They really, really do. They have an image of what they want to be like and no matter how true or far off that image is, the more you can play into it the better your chances. Also, if you know that she thinks of herself as a hot and smart, there are ways you can compliment that. And, for chrissakes, I’m not talking about you saying “Ooo, you’re so hot” because if that works on her, then you’re going to get an STD.

3. She thinks you may benefit her in some way-- Now, this next section is generally true for your normal attractive girl, but it’s damn true for the really hot girl that is most likely out of your league.

Okay, there is a chance that by making a girl feel pretty, you have already done number three. But, that’s probably not the case. I think DC girls, in particular, are really bad about wanting something out of a hookup type relationship. I’d say 8 of 10 girls you would like to hookup with want you to have a better job than her. You being successful / connected makes girls more into you. We can’t help that anymore than we can help the fact that we always think we need to lose 10lbs. That’s just how it is.

That said, there are other things that can work to your advantage, too like interesting hobbies (writer, surf, travels, artist-type) or goals (now I’m X, but I’m working on starting my own business, helping kids who have cancer, etc) that may be sufficient for her expectations for you fitting the type she’s hooking up with. Look, I know this may seem shallow, but you’re the one just looking for a hookup, I think you have little moral highroad at his point.

So taking into consideration that you have to do all three of these things in the period of time it takes her to slam that Malibu and pineapple, I encourage you to practice, practice, practice. But, probably the most important part is that you have fun when you’re doing this so little has been lost if it turns out she’s a super-bitch. Don’t let it bruise your ego or let your expectations be so tied up in your game that you aren’t even able to play it and if you lose, you can’t enjoy yourself after. I’ve seen guys react that way one too many times, and my friends, a night out is a terrible thing to waste.

A note to the ladies: Don't be bitching at me that you are more complicated than this--I know, I know, and we'll get into that more in parts two and three.

Eye sure had fun.

2006-06-12T11:43:00.000-05:00

Kathryn really said it best, but I've got a couple little things to add. So yeah, it was as fun and crazy as everyone has been saying. We drank, we danced, we freaked, we drank and you get the picture. Or rather, this picture of Maime really sums it up. So does the pic our lovely hostess posted . That's my girl!

You are seeing contestants One (Bad at Life) and Two (me with weird face) in a soon to be announced contest. I am pretty sure you don't even qualify to participate. But it would be cute if you tried.

Here you see DC Cookie and me giving some sweet love to my A #1 favorite lurker and bad at life buddy. See how it pays to come to these little HH--everyone get loving.

What is even more amazing was that my Saturday was even crazier. I mean if you can't dress like a total school girl ho and walk down 15th street at all hours of the night, what can you do? And, any time you can hang in a champagne room with Ls, grind with Kassy and Maime and some bi-for-the-boys chicks in a cage, you really should. More on that later...

DC Dorks Unite!

2006-06-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

I always know something is up when there are lots of anons here--

And, don't forget to RSVP (be a VIP) for the post-Blog party (yeah, we'll just take it over).

See you bitches tonight!

Tingle Down there Continues on K Street

2006-06-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

There is an age old tradition among gentleman that welcomes the departure of thick boxy turtlenecks and baggy wool pants for the less modest tops that are lower in cut and shirts shorter in length. I happened upon that special acknowledgment of the natural cycle of the slutty garb this morning on K street.

I was on my way to the dentist, which just happens to be in serious Republican territory on 18th and K. I got into the elevator with two younger guys, a much older guy and another chick. I noticed the two guys looked sort of excited when the older guy walked in, like he was important, he basically looked like every other 65 year old white dude, but I digress.

So I have on a reasonable skirt, but sure, there is a little leg showing. The other girl, however, is working some summer wear--short skirt, tight little top, etc. It's basically the Republican intern uniform. The old man is CLEARLY checking the ladies out. I mean he’s not even hiding it a little.
Then I watched all three of them basically lean out the elevator as the other girl exited on the first stop. As I left the three of them, I heard the old man say: "Well boys, you sure can tell it's summer, heh heh (pervy old man laugh)." Boys also chuckle along.

I am quite sure he wanted to say, "Hey, you girlie, come here and sit on ol' pappy's lap."